Coming from a place of pain, all I can do is sleep. It hurts to be.
It hurts to write.
It hurts to know pain won't end tonight.
It hurts to talk.
It hurts to be still.
It hurts knowing relationships have changed against my will.
It hurts not saying the words
Letting them know I am through.
Having them wonder what went wrong is such an unfair thing to do.
Yet words left unsaid
Ultimately spares them more pain.
There's no reason to stay when I have no way to explain.
It hurts I'm a stranger
to the girl in the mirror.
And it hurts so intensely
merely being here.
Sunday, March 25, 2018
Silence - Poem
Monday, March 19, 2018
Worship Art
Spent the entire day immersed in Word, communing with the Holy Spirit. Thank you, Father.
Thursday, March 15, 2018
Shedding
Not knowing myself, not liking myself,
Either way... I feel quite strange.
Learning and growing, implementing and knowing -
Evidently, resulting in change.
Shedding the past, this persona will last,
Leaving life chunky behind.
No one needs to understand, what I feel is God's plan,
As I step into this life chapter of mine.
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Service Dog
So I haven't been pushing my Gofundme page for a new service dog because the vet said Jireh has a good 4 more years of working for me. Yesterday, Jireh was sick so I made her lay down all day.
Well, I fell on my ribs and in severe pain. I was told to lay around as much as I can so my ribs will heal. I have a high pain tolerance, and let me tell you... I am in SEVERE PAIN! I can't drive to FSU so this really awesome guy came to my place so I can rest while he and his friend excercised Ji. They wore her out!
So I need to push my request for donations to get a new 8 - 10 week old golden retriever to start training. If I lost Jireh, I will lose my independence. I need to train a puppy while Jireh is still able to help me. Please donate whatever you can. Thanks.
Copy link into your browser.
https://www.gofundme.com/help-disabled-lady-stay-independent
Your support would mean a lot to me. Thank you so much!
Getting Back to My Routine
Trying to get back into my Quiet Times with Jesus after my mini vacation. While all the socializing was fun, my mind is full of worldly things, and I need to get back in my routine of spending my days in The Word. So I won't be on social media as much. I'm struggling to find balance between my online job blogging versus basking in His Presence.
Monday, my friend is coming up from Orlando to replace the donut with a real tire. Until then, I will be ghosting (unplugged, reading, writing, worshipping). BTW- I am so thankful I live alone... I would never connect with Him so intimately otherwise. Remember my last boyfriend would want to spend time with me and I resented him for taking me away from quiet time with Jesus? That was a huge part of me moving to Tallahassee.
I have the perfect life. My friends understand my quirks and faults so I am able to be myself. For that, I am beyond grateful.
Wednesday, March 7, 2018
Memories
As I continue transitioning to my new site, see photos of Reba, my Service Dog, and the beach.. ChristianBohemian.blog
Stars, Family, and a Tire
Jesus has me crying! He loves me sooo much, He brought me home safely. This morning, I went to check my car to see if I had any cash to pay a $27 bill due in 2 weeks. It seems my electric company AND PayPal made multiple charges "by accident" *Karen is my witness... it was NOT my fault. PayPal is reimbursing my bank, but the electric company said they could only credit my electric account. So my balance is under $500 and my $745 rent check hasn't posted yet. I cancelled everything so I will only have one overdraft fee. THE DEVIL AIN'T GONNA STEAL MY JOY! So I find EXACTLY $27 cash to pay my bill. *You tell me that's not God!!! I also found a flat tire with an inch hole in it. GOD PROTECTED ME FROM A TIRE BLOW OUT ON THE ROAD! I WAS GOING 85 MPH YESTERDAY! See, God AIN'T letting me go to heaven until it's HIS timing.
I called roadside assistance, and Sue... (I don't know about car stuff... my daddy took care of my car). Even though Sue and Jim are on vacation, they dropped everything to take care of me like family. They told the mechanic what to do, Sue offered to pay him, but he refused to charge me. Sue and I prayed over the phone, both of us crying, thanking Jesus. I can imagine my Heavenly Father with my daddy smiling down at Sue and Jim.
Oh, I told the mechanic I just got home from meeting Reba. He thought that was cool. I said, "Sunday, I met a Country star, and today, I met you... a Rock star.".
