Life with A.D.D.

Medical Condition #4

Attention Deficit Disorder (A.D.D.) was diagnosed during grad school (which should have been detected no later than middle school when my GPA was close to 150 but my grades were B’s and C’s. The discrepancy was blamed on Cerebral Palsy – which still happens to students today.).  I was diagnosed because of my impulsive behavior, acting in risky ways, so the psychiatrist put me on Ritalin and I graduated cum laude. My social skills were stifled but my grades soared. I was soon switched to Adderall and faired much better with friendships. Attention Deficit Disorder prevented me from thinking things through, planning was too tedious and boring, so I impulsively acted on fleeting thoughts. Waiting my turn was difficult, I was easily irritated by ‘people wasting time’ as I had things to do, places to go. Starting things came natural to me, I had fabulous ideas… but the problem was executing the ideas. Medication was wonderful with finding a happy medium and using A.D.D.! While writing flows easier without medication, I do need the meds to send query letters and perform ‘office work’.

That pretty much sums up my life with A.D.D.. For the most part, it is more of a blessing than a curse. 

Life with Crohns Disease

Medical Condition #3

Crohns Disease was diagnosed in 11^th grade during my hospitalization for constant vomiting and diarrhea, not to mention severe abdominal pain. The doctor was surprised I had Crohns as I was not unhealthy weight-wise. Evidently he was saying most teens with Crohns are anorexic like. He said I would never have trouble with weight-gain (wrong!), and would have to adhere to a strict diet for the rest of my life. he said alcohol would tear up my stomach, along with peanuts and anything with roughage, such as lettuce. I can’t eat lettuce or anything spicy, and sunflower seeds are out of the question. Eating any of those leave me hunched over with severe stomach pain and on the toilet for several hours. When I think I can’t get to a toilet, such as road trips, I’ll get Crohns attacks and lose control of my bowels. This can happen in heavy traffic as well. Attacks happen during anxious and emotional events, making it an endless cycle, causing more anxiety and emotions (good or bad). Crohns definitely impacts my life in a negative manner, and I could see how people would become agoraphobic with the disease. Thank goodness, I haven’t had to have surgery to have parts of my colon removed, which is common. Crohns seems to accompany both my depression and anxiety episodes, which is like facing a hurricane and tornado at the same time. As long as I am home with access to my own personal bathroom, I can tolerate attacks. But when out in public, man… Crohns attacks are the worst!

Hope in Suffering Link

I will continue my description of personal 'conditions' later today, but until then. I wrote a great blog entry on Hope in Suffering - I must say, it's pretty good! Check it out!

Life with Asthma

Medical Condition #2 – Asthma. Not many people know I have asthma so I must have an extremely mild case. I was diagnosed with it about ten years ago when I went to an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor, which I can’t even remember why I went to the doctor. To be honest, I think a coworker told me he was handsome and I wanted to see for myself. I called in with ‘possible allergy’ symptoms and left with a nebulizer and asthma diagnosis!

Truly, I think the asthma is related to my Cerebral Palsy. According to the National Institute of Health: The majority of individuals with cerebral palsy will experience some form of premature aging by the time they reach their 40s because of the extra stress and strain the disease puts upon their bodies.  The developmental delays that often accompany cerebral palsy keep some organ systems from developing to their full capacity and level of performance.  As a consequence, organ systems such as the cardiovascular system (the heart, veins, and arteries) and pulmonary system (lungs) have to work harder and they age prematurely.

           

So I really don’t feel like an ‘expert’ in asthma. If it’s hot and I overextend myself, I have to rest and focus on catching my breath. If I didn’t know eventually, it will get easier to breathe, it would freak me out, so I have to comfort myself by saying I will be able to find a natural breathing flow again.

Asthma is very scary – I do not know from personal experience except to imagine how I would experience a more severe case. All I can say is I am glad nebulizers work!

Life with Cerebral Palsy

Medical Condition #1-

You can Google any medical/psychological disorder and find professional information written in generic, impersonal terms. Having been diagnosed with numerous conditions, I can share personal experiences on each, beginning with the most visible, Cerebral Palsy.

Being born with Cerebral Palsy (C.P.) hasn’t impacted my life as people assume. After all, because I was born with impacted muscle control, I know no different. Walking with an unsteady gait, talking with slurred speech, and limited dexterity/fine motor skills has been so much a part of me that I know no different.

Lots of teasing occurred during childhood, yet positive social interactions dominated the negative feedback I received. I never sat around feeling sorry for myself because I was never limited by C.P.. I guess my one ‘C.P. hang-up’ was I felt bad for the men I dated  in fact, I’d refuse to hold their hands in public because I felt sorry for them being identified as my boyfriend. Now I see it as a self-esteem issue. Whatever it was, I never had trouble making friends due merely to my C.P.

As I enter my mid-forties. I see ways C.P. is becoming more prominent as I age (which was predicted by doctors the past several years). My hands shake and fine motor skills are increasing impaired making things like carrying liquids, checking my oil, and putting coins in the laundry machines challenging. My energy isn’t what it was (but that may be due to depression), nor is my endurance. My strength does not seem to be affected, yet carrying heavy things for long distances is weakening.

Perhaps the greatest challenge I face aging with C.P. is the frequency of falling. I recently (and joyfully) was given an Assistance Dog who helps me steady myself when I getting up from a fall. She also helps greatly with my depression and anxiety, which will be addressed in future articles.

In conclusion, for the most part, C.P. has been such a ‘non-issue’ that I rarely considered it. This is slowly changing as I am becoming middle-aged.

Depression and Medication

Someone asked me about 'normal' depression versus major depression, especially those requiring medication. Here is my response:

I wanted to comment about you saying therapists say just stop being depressed! I'd get a new therapist QUICKLY. Sounds like a burned-out therapist to me! A legend in the psychology field (Irvin Yalom speaking of Karen Horney) once said, "the human being has an inbuilt propensity toward self-realization. If obstacles are removed, the individual will develop into a mature, fully realized adult, just as an acorn will develop into an oak tree." The task of the therapist is to remove obstacles blocking the patient's path. So first, identify the obstacles to being the person the patient aspires to be, then work on ways to remove those obstacles. Sometimes the obstacles are deeply rooted, like incest, abandonment, etc. When THAT happens, the brain literally forms differently, causing malfunctioning neuropathways and messed up neurotransmitters. Patients usually have lifetime mental illness, requiring medication to regulate (or normalize) the neurotransmitters, along with counseling to form healthy thinking patterns.

Then there is situational depression which occurs after a death, divorce, or other 'situation' - hence the name, This usually is treated by counseling without the need for medication. If the depression lasts longer than 6 months, the patient needs to  be evaluated for possible dysthymia (which is a low-grade depression where the patient feels sad and blah, but it doesn't interfere with major life functioning, where medication may or may not be used.

What I have is the first - Major Clinical Depression, Recurrent is the official diagnosis. My childhood events have messed up my brain. People may not believe this - I don't want to believe it, but our brains are formed the first 20 years of life. Without the right environment, brains are messed up. That is what causes addictive personalities, alcoholics, child molesters, etc. People grow up to be what they were exposed to. 

Hope that answers your questions. Remember, you cannot just 'snap out of a clinical depression'. Why would people willingly be depressed?

Upbeat Update

The following is from a Facebook response I posted… it pretty much sums up where I am now. God spoke to me in a HUGE way… He has given me strength, hope, and determination that I have been lacking for a long time. Yesterday, an elder and church staff member dropped everything just to listen to me. THAT MEANT THE WORLD TO ME! I don’t expect people to do that all the time. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me. Maybe because after 21 years of being on antidepressants, I have been off of them for a month… I felt emptier, lonelier, and more disposable than ever. I didn’t want to go to church, yet I knew God would show up… and He did. This is a summation of what happened:

I attend a great church now and had a long talk with an elder and staff yesterday. That helped TREMENDOUSLY. I told them how alone I felt and I don't even have an emergency contact... they gave me THREE emergency contact numbers! I told them how hard it is is not to have a family or close friends... like who would have my funeral if I die? They said, "We will... we are your family. That is what we are trying to tell you!". I barely receive enough money to pay my medical costs and refuse to keep taking 'hand outs', so they are giving me ways to 'earn money' to cover bills until I get back on my feet. They are amazing. I'm using this for my blog because I finally have hope again. I go to the doctor tomorrow; and the psychiatrist talked last time about sending me to intensive 6 months treatment to deal with my issues, but after talking to Lee and Cheryl, I feel strong enough to do this... I can fight the loneliness, meet new people, keep serving at my church, write my way out of poverty, and FIGHT. Going into the hospital would be the wimpy thing to do. I AM A CHILD OF ALMIGHTY GOD!! I DON'T GIVE UP! Don't you give up either! If you feel hopeless and DO want to give up, visit my blog, Believe in Grace. I have a lot of work to add to it, yet am aiming it to readers with no one to talk to, nowhere to turn...