Happy LAST Thanksgiving

Yesterday was awful, so I here is last Thanksgiving's post,  which still applies today..
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Happy Thanksgiving! First, I apologize to the Native Americans for how my ancestors treated you and continue to treat you. This is your land, and I never forget that. Second, I thank Jesus for my life... it's not what I wanted, yet it has brought me closer to You. It has made me rely on You for everything from walking to speaking to pooping to breathing to getting out of bed. Thank You, Jesus. You are My Everything. I am thankful for Jireh and Addy who bring happiness to my days, making me laugh and love. I am thankful for my safe home in my favorite city in the world. I am thankful for friends who put up with my moods and my unpredictability. And I am thankful for my relatives... all of them... who have made me one strong, stubborn, determined, independent woman.

The Truth Hurts

When people - my closest friends- don't actually reach out to me when I post something that triggers my PTSD, that tells me a- you are too busy with your own life, and while you care, you have other priorities right now, or b. you don't know what to say, so you'll just pray about it. Both cases tell me our closeness has run it's course. When I didn't hear back from people, I texted them on the phone. And I saw who was still by my side by who responded. Cathy is going through something now and we just FaceTime, sometimes with 10 minutes of silence. Sometimes, that means MORE than anything! Just be present. If you can't make time, it’s okay. I understand life takes precedence over friends. Yet as the Phil Collins song says, "you have no right, to ask me how I feel" after being absent when I needed you most. So as All American Rejects sing, "Move Along". Let me go! Someone's niece was abducted the day we were supposed to talk... she didn’t call, and it wasn't a date set in stone so I didn’t think too much about it. THAT SAME EVENING AFTER MEETING WITH THE COPS, she called to explain why she didn't call! That shows me how she values me. That is the kind of "close friends" I want. Otherwise,  you pray for me, I will pray for you... and move along.

But after I move along, you will find your name is off the access to my life and has been replaced by a wall.

Me holding on to people who have more important things in their lives is a burden to them, and heartbreak for me.

Moving Forward

Growing means letting go, walking away, reevaluating reality, and setting new goals. It is mourning the old, celebrating the new. Putting away the things that meant so much to make room for what's to come. It's scary, challenging, and exciting. But once you make the decision to embrace what experiences have shaped you to be, there is no looking back. Your next chapter needs to be written.

I love this quote -
“If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, we are like ignorant children who want to continue making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a vacation at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” -C.S; Lewis