That Lure of Xanax

My pharmacy offered me THREE months of Xanax to help get me with the holidays. I said no, thanks.

My friend cried tears of joy when I told him. I cried tears of sorrow because I WANT THEM SO BAD! WHAT WAS I THINKING? 

It's a major step, especially during Christmas. I was first prescribed Xanax in 1993. My first psychiatric hospitalization, a fellow patient told me I should ask for Xanax because it was good stuff. Just like that, I was given Xanax. I only took it during Christmas when I had to be around relatives. In 2008, I began taking it regularly after closing my private practice due to a mental breakdown. Because Xanax is easy to develop a tolerance to, I took more and more since my peers included psychiatrists, so I could get all the pills I wanted. 

To this day, I fantasize about my Xanax days. Taking them give me THE BEST feeling ever! Oh my goodness! It's like being on the edge of general anesthesia... you don't care about ANYTHING! And it kicks in within 20 minutes of taking it. Oh, I miss it. Turning the air conditioner down really low, covering myself in blankets and sleeping. Many of my Christmases were spent in a comatose sleep for 9 hours, I'd wake up, pee, take more Xanax, and be out. All my worries floated away. Gotta tell you,  I long for that kind of Christmas this year.

Things have been going so good for me, I know it's because I am walking in obedience to God. I don't want to mess that up.

What upsets me are people who say, "You quit Xanax years ago. What's the big deal?", ESPECIALLY WHEN IT IS MINIMIZE BY THE PEOPLE I STOPPED  XANAX FOR! *incorrect sentence structure, but I am angry. I didn't quit for me; I quit for others.

You never get over the cravings. It has me thinking, since people minimize it, maybe I will minimize it... No big deal... maybe I will call the pharmacy back and rescind my denial.