Lost, Rather FOUND

I've had significant life changes recently, triggering PTSD, anxiety and depression. The anxiety has taken over a chunk of my days as I leave behind the familiar (albeit, dysfunctional) to a new phase.

My mother's birthday was a few days ago, and I thought how she'd be relieved if she no longer had to deal with her "vile" daughter (her description of me) would be the perfect birthday gift. Ironically, Bobby Bowden's birthday is the same day. I realized I am no longer  (was I ever?) part of the genetic family, Rather, I am part of my Tallahassee family. (Coach Bowden's IS Tallahassee.).

After trying to go back to Central Florida for the holidays, I have decided to stay here. In fact, I am finding peace and comfort in my soul, where I am ultimately part of God's family.

He is showing me it's all Him. I am His. I have no reason to fear, for nothing and no one can touch me without going through Him. He is in my tomorrow's, as He was in my past. He never changes - which gives ME the confidence to change. To be even more authentic. To disregard societal expectations. I am finding myself lost in my thoughts, my own little world... rather, my Father's world. Thy will be done.

Growth Spurts

Newborn babies require regular medical check ups to monitor their growth process. If a problem is detected early, there is a greater chance the problem can be treated before further issues are presented. As adults, medical visits become infrequent,  and only needed when there is a significant aberration occurs.

While our physical health plateaus when we enter adulthood, our psychological health does not. In fact, life events can alter our mental health significantly. Without proper treatment, our physical health can be negatively impacted by things like ulcers, digestive problems, etc..

Life is about growth and change. We need to take regular inventories of ourselves to be sure our actions and decisions align with the person we are becoming.  Such questions which need to be asked include-

**What is the mission of my life?
**What are my values, dreams and priorities?
**Am I living authentically?
**Am I using my gifts to better society?
**Do I surround myself with people who positively influence me?
**What practical steps can I take to be more like the person I want to be?

Since these are heavy questions requiring great introspection, it is good to take some quality alone time and brainstorm what truly matters. Don’t limit your dreams- the sky is the limit. You’ll be surprised how resources will appear when you begin living on purpose.

Wave Bye to Wavering

Do you ever waver between having certain relationships in your life? I confess I have spent most of my life doing this with dysfunctional relatives.

I keep laughing at my friend, Cathy. Yesterday was an annual customer event at her job, so she had a super busy day. I called her crying so hard after hanging up from the most painful phone call of my life. I said, "No matter what I do, they will make me the bad guy.. ". Cathy was tired and angry and had NO FILTER as she yelled, "WHO CARES WHAT YOUR RELATIVES SAY? THEY DON'T LIKE YOU ANYWAY!!!"
I cracked up laughing so hard! She was too tired to sugar coat anything. And she pointed out the obvious - none of my relatives have liked me since I went to college. Why was I so surprised at the phone call? I love Cathy. And another friend always says she feels like she's banging her head against the wall every time I call her crying about my relatives hurting me.
I have decided the word "wavering" is now one of my favorite words. The next time I am wavering, I AM WAVING THE NEGATIVE GOODBYE! NO MORE WAVERING - LET IT GO!