Puerto Rico

Let me vent for a second. Please, don't blame and argue when people are hurting.  I have learned this following the death of my father - which is totally unrelated to Puerto Rico. My circle of people I talk to has greatly decreased because arguing with someone when a crisis is occurring only adds fuel to the fire. I chose loneliness and isolation over defensiveness and hurt.

This is happening with the President.

I am seriously sending this guy a thesaurus. HE DRIVES ME CRAZY WITH HIS LACK OF COMPASSION AND LIMITED VOCABULARY!

My opinion - PEOPLE ARE DYING! DON'T KICK THEM DOWN MORE! EVEN IF YOU ARE SENDING SUPPLIES, OBVIOUSLY, THERE'S A KINK IN THE HOSE! FIX IT!  

Notice I am not arguing with Puerto Rico, the people who are hurting.  It's the leader I am frustrated with.

Watching videos such as this reminds me of the lack of compassion in the world today.

It's Hitting Me

I was never close to my dad. I'm not going to act like we were really close and I would do anything to have him back.

It's more the fact my dad died. A momentous event forcing me to search within and look deep down.the 

I'm in the anger stage. Wanting  to completely isolate and just stay in bed. People irritate me, and I am about to lose friends again. I finally opened my planner this morning, and my last entry was asking God to take me to the next phase in my life... then I got the call Dad was dying. I changed my profile photos because I am not pretending I was close to him. I never was. He was my dad and I  am heartbroken he died. Yes. But I can't romanticize the situation by pretending we had something we didn't. I am so empowered that I succeeded in saying goodbye to him. That was beautiful, and I followed my heart. It is a new phase. Facebook is such a facade to act like you are best friends with people and close. It's stupid. And I am not wasting my time with things and people who do not matter anymore.

Heart Stuff

Emotional Rant-
Life goes on, right? My best guy friend was supposed to come up this past weekend, but he has acquired new responsibilities and I didn't hear from him until yesterday when I texted where was he. We finally talked, and after much heartbreak, we agreed it was time to end our friendship. Yes, the same guy who promised to be there when Jireh died just 3 days prior. I don't blame him. I see this as part of God's plan. One day, I will understand but right now... it really, really hurts. I have been praying about going back to BSF, and I feel God telling me no. It's strange to think I am not supposed to go to a Bible Study, meeting other Christians, yet He keeps giving me reasons not to go- He wants my writing about Him a priority; my health problems limit how long I can be away from home; the thought of filling out "emergency contact" and hearing about other's talk about their families; and my desire to interpret Scripture through the Holy Spirit.

His answer becomes clearer every time I pray. I am scared. The guy friend was my main support. I wanted to meet other people to help if I get in trouble, especially with holidays coming. I miss his company.

And I think maybe that is part of the reason we parted... I am finally strong enough in my faith and far enough in my Spiritual walk to know God wants to be all of this and more for me.

Most of you will likely pity me... please don't. I am so honored God created me to have such a personal relationship with Him that I feel His presence and trust Him. And I know my relationship with Jesus will never end.