Meeting Reba McEntire

No Regrets

As I write this, my immediate relatives are all together celebrating Father's Day. Tomorrow, they will all be together at the hospital as my dad has surgery to see if they can remove the cancer or if it has spread so bad it is inoperable. My dear friend came up from Orlando Wednesday to drive me to Nashville to be there. I was reminded the family is better without me, and I would have to stay in a hotel because I was not allowed in my parent's house. The past few days have been torture... I always thought in case of emergency, we would come together. I was wrong.

Reflecting back, I am so proud of my education, my faith, my beliefs. I turned down 3 marriage proposals because I plan on growing my entire life and wanted nothing or no one to stop me.

Yes, it hurts. Yes, I am devastated. But I have no regrets.

Rerouted

I am realizing the plans I have for my life doesn't match God's plan. There is so much I want to do, yet I was recently on the verge of a breakdown. God has given me so many blessings, it is hard to take it all in.

The dreams you had in the past may change as you grow. The old self is gone. Discover who you have become,  ask God to fill your heart with HIS desires, and go from there.

Let His Word be your map.

Romans 6:11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace

When you accept Jesus as Lord, you die to your self. What this means is your life is no longer your own. Your future years, future days, future minutes are to be lived for HIM… not your selfish desires. The great thing about Jesus dying for our sins is we will not be put to death for our sins. Romans says ‘the wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23. Thank God we are no longer under the law… He died for us. We are free… but don’t use your freedom to sin – use your freedom to live for Jesus.

How can we apply this to our lives?
Remember, our Heavenly Father isn’t ‘a man upstairs’ (He isn’t a ‘man’ at all!) taking tally of when we do good versus when we sin. We were formed from dust – He knows that. He loves us like crazy. If you worry, are anxious, and/or are a perfectionist, keep this in mind: God’s love for you is full of grace – He knows we are going to mess up! In the Old Testament, people were killed for sinning. Jesus shed His blood for us so that is no longer true. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. If you are a child of God, your debt has been paid.

Romans 6:1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

Romans 6: 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Life Plan

Just had great talk with Cathy... we realized Jesus CHOSE Judas to be one of the 12 disciples KNOWING not only Judas would betray Jesus, but Judas would commit suicide. He was still chosen. That's the grace of God. And, Jesus knew suffering and affliction more than anyone. He also knew God's plan for Him. However, Jesus STILL prayed if there was anyway the cup could be passed by, please let it pass. He KNEW HIS ULTIMATE PURPOSE IN LIFE, yet still begged the Father for another way... that is so comforting. I won't start back counseling again until I get some things straightened out myself. A colleague pointed out I step out of myself when I am counseling clients. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. That is where counseling comes in. If I see 5 clients per week, including wounded warriors, that would be perfect!

God's Individual(s) Plan

God uses Scripture as one way to personally communicate to us. The Word is living and breathing. The same verse that did not jump out and speak to me a year ago may bring me a divine revelation today. One of the many benefits of having an overall understanding of the Bible is being acquainted with the Author. Knowing God allows us the privilege and responsibility of anticipating His ways. We know God is Love, God is just, God will never leave us nor forsake us. Additionally, having an intimate relationship with Jesus creates a closeness where you share understandings from the past, including lessons He has taught and trials He had brought you through. Times He picked you up and brushed you off when no one else was there. Sure, He uses individuals to help accomplish His plan. He has built us for community.  Still, He calls us to trust in Him, not in man. You may not understand why I do what I do... and that's okay. I am following Jesus. The path He has for me is unlike the path He has for you. I follow Him as He quips me with knowledge and understanding.

Integration

Jireh and I were on the go for 6 hours straight. Came home, talked to Cathy, then slept HARD. Slowly building up my stamina. I am trying to make an appearance at every disabled related event to network and I hit the jackpot at FSU. Talked with a wonderful girl who shares my passion for helping educate the community about disability issues. People with disabilities deserve to have their own self-determined quality of life. They deserve to dream and have a network of people to help those dreams become reality. They deserve to contribute to society and realize their gifts & talents make them valued... MY quality of life includes making this happen.

What Truly Matters

Forcing myself to sit and write without any set agenda except to write. My purpose is to write. I am a writer. I am writing.

"Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to this world, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch"?  - Colossians 2:20,21.

Life changes when you become a Christian. Since college, on my day planner, I daily write "WHAT TRULY MATTERS?" as a reminder life is precious. I'm especially realizing this as I reread my old journals and find I recorded stupid stuff like what my crush wore to school each day. Or some kid laughed when I fell. Thirty years later, who cares? What will happen today that seems so devastating to you, yet in 6 months, you won't even remember it? Do you watch the latest episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Or do you make a handmade card for your dear friend with cancer? Do you stay in bed, wallowing in bitterness? Or do you force yourself to write articles on ways God has blessed you?

What truly matters? Live on purpose. Find your passions and live them.

How do you want to be remembered? Let me share my list with you:
* Jesus is real to me. I feel Him in my presence. I have never questioned His existence. I believe all the hardships that happen in my life are signs He believes I will always follow Him. For those familiar with Job, I believe God has given Satan permission to "mess with me" because God knows I am strong enough in my faith that I can face anything with Christ. I hope I am not letting Him down.
* I am a fighter. Yes, I have multiple limitations which hem me in, but I believe many of them are to keep me from temptation. When I was homeless, if I didn't have cerebral palsy, who knows what I would have done for money. But because I see CP as a strike against men's attractions to me, certain options are off the table. AT THE SAME TIME, God showed me I don't give myself enough credit when I refused to sell myself to have heat and a safe place to live. God instilled morals in me.
* I also want to be remembered as a someone who never took people's kindness for granted. So many people have helped me, loved me, kept me going on when they didn't have to. I always pray God will bless them beyond belief since I have no way to express my gratitude.
* And I want to be seen as someone who, while she needed a little help, she did all she could to make her own way without taking handouts. God has given me so many gifts to use to bless others, and I want to do just that.
*Finally, I want to be remembered as a writer - recluse who loves the ocean, away from crowds and worldly distractions. This, I admit, can be for selfish reasons. I'm an advocate to the core, and when I see people being unfairly treated, I have difficulty balancing my role without personalizing  the circumstances. Then that steals my peace and interferes greatly with my health.

That is my list to guide me in my day to day activities. I don't do things as the world does. I don't float passively in the lazy river of society. I have died to the flesh and live for Christ.

Remember that.