God is Never Changing

I found out my SSDI has been cut by $400 due to the changes in the Affordable Care Act. I have no family and cannot live on this decreased wage. While I'm filing an appeal, the decision can take up to 45 days to finalize. I cannot survive on this wage, yet if I can pay June's bills, I have time to find a freelance writing job. I am humbly asking, if you can help me at all, even $10, please PayPal me at Shellyfsu@gmail.com. Please. I will give all glory to God.

Yesterday, I stayed in bed all day weighed down by depression and severe anxiety. Disbelief, numbness, helplessness, and fear overwhelms me. I know God Is in control. But when I try fixing things myself, I drive myself crazy. I can't breathe. I can't function. I become worthless. Staying curled up in a ball isn't the answer. Nothing gets solved. And I am neglecting life's mission of glorifying God. Sadly, the opposite happens. I have to stop, breathe, and put things into perspective. The last book I read, “She Reads Truth” prepared me greatly for this season of life. Authors Rachel Meyers and Amanda Bible Williams write how God is our only constant. The world is ever changing.

As I experienced first-hand last week, our lives can be turned upside down at any moment. We ultimately have no security on this earth. God and His Word are our only constant – yesterday, today and tomorrow.

The authors cite verses that should (and often do) calm the chaotic turmoil in my heart, with God's promises including:
“My peace I give you” – John 14:27
“You will be My people, and I will be your God” – Jeremiah 30:22
“The grass withers, the flowers fade, but the word of our God remains forever” – Isaiah 40:8
“Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will never pass away" Matthew 24:35.
And the verses go on and on. The bad news is we can only fully rely on God and His Word. The good news is that is all we need.

My dear friend shared this video with me, reminding me how strong Our Lord is, and how foolish I am not to trust Him with details of my life. Here is the link - Comforting Video

Shedding

Not knowing myself, not liking myself,
Either way... I feel quite strange.
Learning and growing, implementing and knowing -
Evidently, resulting in change.
Shedding the past, this persona will last,
Leaving life chunky behind.
No one needs to understand, what I feel is God's plan,
As I step into this life chapter of mine.

Understanding Not Understanding

Please hang in there as I transition to my new blog. I need to make it more thorough so please keep checking this blog for new posts until I finish setting it up. 

New Post here 

Cleaning the Mind with Journaling

As we end another year, we reflect on the past, and look ahead to the future. I am sad to leave my old planner/journal behind, and am intimidated by the empty pages of my crisp, clear planners.

Every year, I start my new journal with "I wonder if I will be alive at the end of this journal..."

Spent ALL DAY YESTERDAY and the past 4 hours on the new blog.

Very frustrated I have just started my New Year's traditions of intense journaling, goal setting, making a 2017 collage and 2018 Dream Board. My brother and I had a tradition of journaling together every New Year's Eve as far back as middle school. I am irritated that I am behind in my routine. I have to calm down, get before Jesus, and seek His will for me in 2018. Today and tomorrow are definitely days of avoiding interruptions. Besides that... Happy New Year!

Hope Forward by Reflecting Back

Working so hard on my blogs, needed a prayer walk. I am so in love with Tallahassee. It's beautiful. I love the culture, the 50 minutes from the ocean, the ambitious ambiance, the friendly people... and the FSU spirit. There is no place I would rather live.

And my Addy cat... she is such a good girl who has been with me through the closing of my private practice, to losing Zoey, to living in my car at a rest area, to getting this 8 week old puppy who was her size when I brought Jireh home, to now Jireh is a 90 lb sister who submits to Addy. If it comes between me or Addy (i.e. giving Addy pills), Jireh takes Addy's side every time, barking at me to leave Addy alone.

And Jireh... I have loved golden retrievers most of my life. Pedigrees are costly. Yet, by the grace of God, I have the most beautiful animal I have ever seen! Her intelligence, beauty and personality astounds me daily. Truly, she feels like a person to me, and we do everything together. She visibly loves me above anything and her loyalty is solid.

I get to spend my days living my dream of writing, spending quality time with Jesus, creating... Loving life.

You know, we get so caught up in day to day problems, we lose sight of God's blessings - I am the worse! As the new year begins, I am making my blog thewritingtherapist.blogspot.com more professional, focusing completely on mental health issues, and launching a new blog which shares all my passions... passions of my heart that have been made reality. Sometimes it helps to look back and see how far we have come. It gives us hope. It's all in perspective - some people are depressed the holidays are ending, while others of us are ECSTATIC at new beginnings.

Either way... we all need hope.

Blogging Benefits

If you've ever considered blogging, now is the perfect time. Platforms are user friendly, Twitter is a great marketing resource, and a new year is upon us.

I will provide details on starting a blog on my new blog... something for you to look forward to if you enjoy writing, thinking, working from where and when you want... this job is for you! It takes hard work and lots of time to launch a blog. You have to do some tedious technical design, write enough posts to generate a brand, thus create an audience.

Once you get your blog out there, it will take off. The more time you dedicate to your blog, the faster you can blog for income. A minimum of 3 months, working 30 hours per day should be expected.

As a writer, it won't feel laborious. And knowing the more time you invest, the more you will get in return... it'll be worth it.

Time to get to blogging!

I am starting a new blog site today - in depth Bible theology discussion with research, application and scripture reference. My current blog has started generating income with mental health issues... I have a growing audience, for which I am grateful. To write about interests that stimulate my thinking and use God's gifts to me, all while working from home and seeing extra income deposited into my bank... I am so excited! Launch date is January 1st. I also have 2 blogs under pen names, so this week will be super busy. Living my self-determined quality of life.

Happy LAST Thanksgiving

Yesterday was awful, so I here is last Thanksgiving's post,  which still applies today..
🐳🐳🐳🐳🐳🐳
Happy Thanksgiving! First, I apologize to the Native Americans for how my ancestors treated you and continue to treat you. This is your land, and I never forget that. Second, I thank Jesus for my life... it's not what I wanted, yet it has brought me closer to You. It has made me rely on You for everything from walking to speaking to pooping to breathing to getting out of bed. Thank You, Jesus. You are My Everything. I am thankful for Jireh and Addy who bring happiness to my days, making me laugh and love. I am thankful for my safe home in my favorite city in the world. I am thankful for friends who put up with my moods and my unpredictability. And I am thankful for my relatives... all of them... who have made me one strong, stubborn, determined, independent woman.

Morning Poem

Scattered, where do I start? Jesus, Lord, speak to me…
Protect and guide my heart.
I come to you this day,
Please. Light my every way.
Keep me single-minded…
Sp often I need reminded.

This life is yours on borrow.
You own my today and tomorrow.
Lead me on… I’ll follow.

Palm Trees and Blanket

Remember how scared I was yesterday? I received a palm tree blanket from Gidget at 3:30. Palm trees are my reminder from God that He loves me. So I thanked Gidget, went to bed with my fresh smelling blanket and fell asleep. I woke up at 7:30, phone lit up (ringer silenced) with Gidget calling to check on me. Tried staying awake to watch Scandal, wrapped in blanket... didn't make it. Just woke up (NO MIGRAINE!) feeling great!! God ALWAYS takes care of me. Always. I get sidetracked by the world, my faith wavers, yet He always brings me back. When we belong to Him, no matter the situation, He's got us.

I'm Human

This blog is about faith, coping through adversity, perseverance. God has rescued me many times from humanly hopeless situations. My life circumstances have been so much worse than it is now. In fact, I am in the best situation of my life when the absolute reality of my life is concerned. I've been homeless, cold, starving, abused, trapped, and on the verge of insanity.

Thank God,I am safe, in my favorite city, writing full-time. I don't have to deal with bosses, don't have to answer to anyone, and love my freedom.

The fact is it has been a hard month. I lost the relationships of two of my closest friends,one of who regularly helped me financially... the other, I feel our lifelong friendship was rocked, and I don't know if it will ever be the same... in fact, I know it won't. After some time, maybe we can be close again. She did not intend to hurt me, and I go by intentions. She was trying to help, yet I can't get past my perceptions. So I am mourning the loss of 3 significant relationships. And it hurts. It angers me. It depresses me. It scares me.

It scares me because I am reconsidering things I thought were defeated. Things messing with my faith. I still have faith, still believe God has a better plan than I can dream of, and He can change my circumstances in the blink of an eye.

But my depression is looming. My agoraphobia is returning. And hopelessness is creeping in.

My dream is to rent an RV when my lease is up so I can get out of this neighborhood and live in a spacious campground. Seems impossible. I'm telling God this is the desire of my heart. But sometimes, God answers our prayers only to face worse consequences. In the Bible, King Hezekiah prayed his life would be extended 15 years. The results was Manasseh became King after Hezekiah, leading to the worship of idols and a completely corrupt nation. This would have never happened if King Hezekiah had followed God's will.

I don't know what is going to happen. All I can pray is God's will be done.

Intro from a Couple Years Ago

Since I have decided to get back into full-time writing,  I am reposting my intro. Welcome back!

Yesterday, I made the official commitment to be a writer. I’ve written since I was a child, yet it has always been as a hobby or quick money maker, or an occasional letter venting to a loved recipient. But now, I am taking the plunge, claiming writing as my primary profession. What that means is I spend the majority of my days writing. Not researching, not procrastinating, but writing. Sure, I will still research and procrastinate, but not as much as I write. Getting words on paper is my job, my passion, my calling.

This is not going to be as easy as I am making it sound, I know. I’m going to be discouraged, feel like a phony, believe I am wasting my time, want to watch one more Bravo TV show, take a nap, and so on. People are going to tell me my writing is crap, publishers will throw my manuscripts in the trash without a second glance, and most times I will feel my writing is in vain. But that won’t stop me. Not anymore.

Previously, I debated whether or not to include my faith in my writing. Including faith-based content weeds out nonbelievers, and I want as many readers as I can get! But now, there is something more important than the quantity of readers; and that is the quality of my writing. Since writing is the expression of the heart, I cannot leave out my core… my strength… my peace… my everything, and that is Jesus Christ. I’ll respect readers’ beliefs without sacrificing my own. I am nothing without Christ. Literally, nothing! As you learn my history, you will realize the sincere truth in those words. Four years ago, I stayed in bed 22 hours per day. At one point, I was homeless. That same year, I was hospitalized 2 weeks per month for three months in a row. And the story goes on and on. Now, I am the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my 45 years of life. It’s nothing short of a miracle. It is nothing short of my Lord Jesus Christ. So if reading about Him offends you, my writing is not for you. My life purpose is to glorify Him.

If you decide to be my reader, I can assure you of comedy, inspiration, lots of pictures, obsessive discussions about my cat and golden retriever, a tad of Cher preoccupation, passionate and intellectual views on health conditions, especially mental health, struggles and triumphs of addiction, and so much more. Give me a month. Read my blog for a month. I have a feeling you’re gonna like and learn what you read. If you don’t, it’s okay. Tell me I’m a horrible writer. Tell me I have no talent. Bash me, insult me… but you won’t break me. I’m a writer. That is my calling, and I have committed to answer for the rest of my life.

Navigation

Asked God for ONE MORE SIGN He doesn't want me to be a Medicare Provider as a psychotherapist. I just received a call... I need to be CPR certified. There's the sign. I can't do CPR. Plus, I don't need that stress. God has something better planned for me.

Rerouted

I am realizing the plans I have for my life doesn't match God's plan. There is so much I want to do, yet I was recently on the verge of a breakdown. God has given me so many blessings, it is hard to take it all in.

The dreams you had in the past may change as you grow. The old self is gone. Discover who you have become,  ask God to fill your heart with HIS desires, and go from there.

Let His Word be your map.

Romans 6:11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace

When you accept Jesus as Lord, you die to your self. What this means is your life is no longer your own. Your future years, future days, future minutes are to be lived for HIM… not your selfish desires. The great thing about Jesus dying for our sins is we will not be put to death for our sins. Romans says ‘the wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23. Thank God we are no longer under the law… He died for us. We are free… but don’t use your freedom to sin – use your freedom to live for Jesus.

How can we apply this to our lives?
Remember, our Heavenly Father isn’t ‘a man upstairs’ (He isn’t a ‘man’ at all!) taking tally of when we do good versus when we sin. We were formed from dust – He knows that. He loves us like crazy. If you worry, are anxious, and/or are a perfectionist, keep this in mind: God’s love for you is full of grace – He knows we are going to mess up! In the Old Testament, people were killed for sinning. Jesus shed His blood for us so that is no longer true. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. If you are a child of God, your debt has been paid.

Romans 6:1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

Romans 6: 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Relationship with Christ

Romans 3:27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. Because of what law? The law that requires works? No, because of the law that requires faith. 28 For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law.

Romans 11:6 And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.

Just like after Jesus rose from the dead, there continue to be people who miss an important part of Easter. They miss the fact that all we have to do to be blessed by Jesus is admit we are sinners, accept Him into our hearts, and allow Him to be Lord of our lives. They miss the point of ‘works’ – thinking if we do certain behaviors, Jesus will increase our blessing.  It’s sad to think people fail to see Jesus’  crucifixion  as the way to to wipe out the rules of the Old Testament in order that we may remain free.

How can we apply this to our lives?
Many people believe in “The Prosperity Gospel” – God blesses those who are most obedient. “If you do this (fill in the blank), then God will bless you…”. First of all, knowing and conversing with Jesus is the greatest blessing of all, and I already have that. Secondly, the whole purpose of Easter was to do away with ‘earning your way into heaven’ or ‘earning favor with God’ because we were born sinners, we cannot earn favor with God… we can only approach God through Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. Thirdly, Jesus has no favorites. He loves us all the same. We are all His children regardless of our actions. Fourthly, if Jesus only gives us what we can handle, wouldn’t that mean He trusts individuals who face harder challenges more than those with minimal struggles? Fifth – I don’t do things to be blessed by God; I don’t use Him like a Santa Clause. My life is based on my relationship with God and my desire to please Him. My love for Him is unconditional, whether He blesses me or not, He remains the Lord of my life. And His love for me is unconditional, it does not wax or wane based on my obedience. Praise God… He definitely is my Savior… and not man.

Galatians 2:16 know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

Galatians 3:2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard?

Life Plan

Just had great talk with Cathy... we realized Jesus CHOSE Judas to be one of the 12 disciples KNOWING not only Judas would betray Jesus, but Judas would commit suicide. He was still chosen. That's the grace of God. And, Jesus knew suffering and affliction more than anyone. He also knew God's plan for Him. However, Jesus STILL prayed if there was anyway the cup could be passed by, please let it pass. He KNEW HIS ULTIMATE PURPOSE IN LIFE, yet still begged the Father for another way... that is so comforting. I won't start back counseling again until I get some things straightened out myself. A colleague pointed out I step out of myself when I am counseling clients. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. That is where counseling comes in. If I see 5 clients per week, including wounded warriors, that would be perfect!

Check In

My goal tomorrow is speak to no one. Today was 30 minutes asking Medicare Provider people why they need my college transcripts if I have my Licensure, where do I get a background screening... Then an hour with Comcast trying unsuccessfully to fix my cable and no one can come out until Wed. Then an hour with Amazon trying to fix my Kindle. Then telling my 2nd professional reference he basically plagiarized my example of the letter of reference I wrote.... I want to be left alone. I'm still blissfully high knowing Jireh is HAPPY and healthy. I still don't have a grasp on time priorities and where to devote my energy... but I miss my quiet time with Jesus.

P.S. Remind me to tell you what the neurologist said yesterday.

God's Individual(s) Plan

God uses Scripture as one way to personally communicate to us. The Word is living and breathing. The same verse that did not jump out and speak to me a year ago may bring me a divine revelation today. One of the many benefits of having an overall understanding of the Bible is being acquainted with the Author. Knowing God allows us the privilege and responsibility of anticipating His ways. We know God is Love, God is just, God will never leave us nor forsake us. Additionally, having an intimate relationship with Jesus creates a closeness where you share understandings from the past, including lessons He has taught and trials He had brought you through. Times He picked you up and brushed you off when no one else was there. Sure, He uses individuals to help accomplish His plan. He has built us for community.  Still, He calls us to trust in Him, not in man. You may not understand why I do what I do... and that's okay. I am following Jesus. The path He has for me is unlike the path He has for you. I follow Him as He quips me with knowledge and understanding.

What Truly Matters

Forcing myself to sit and write without any set agenda except to write. My purpose is to write. I am a writer. I am writing.

"Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to this world, do you submit to its rules: Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch"?  - Colossians 2:20,21.

Life changes when you become a Christian. Since college, on my day planner, I daily write "WHAT TRULY MATTERS?" as a reminder life is precious. I'm especially realizing this as I reread my old journals and find I recorded stupid stuff like what my crush wore to school each day. Or some kid laughed when I fell. Thirty years later, who cares? What will happen today that seems so devastating to you, yet in 6 months, you won't even remember it? Do you watch the latest episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? Or do you make a handmade card for your dear friend with cancer? Do you stay in bed, wallowing in bitterness? Or do you force yourself to write articles on ways God has blessed you?

What truly matters? Live on purpose. Find your passions and live them.

How do you want to be remembered? Let me share my list with you:
* Jesus is real to me. I feel Him in my presence. I have never questioned His existence. I believe all the hardships that happen in my life are signs He believes I will always follow Him. For those familiar with Job, I believe God has given Satan permission to "mess with me" because God knows I am strong enough in my faith that I can face anything with Christ. I hope I am not letting Him down.
* I am a fighter. Yes, I have multiple limitations which hem me in, but I believe many of them are to keep me from temptation. When I was homeless, if I didn't have cerebral palsy, who knows what I would have done for money. But because I see CP as a strike against men's attractions to me, certain options are off the table. AT THE SAME TIME, God showed me I don't give myself enough credit when I refused to sell myself to have heat and a safe place to live. God instilled morals in me.
* I also want to be remembered as a someone who never took people's kindness for granted. So many people have helped me, loved me, kept me going on when they didn't have to. I always pray God will bless them beyond belief since I have no way to express my gratitude.
* And I want to be seen as someone who, while she needed a little help, she did all she could to make her own way without taking handouts. God has given me so many gifts to use to bless others, and I want to do just that.
*Finally, I want to be remembered as a writer - recluse who loves the ocean, away from crowds and worldly distractions. This, I admit, can be for selfish reasons. I'm an advocate to the core, and when I see people being unfairly treated, I have difficulty balancing my role without personalizing  the circumstances. Then that steals my peace and interferes greatly with my health.

That is my list to guide me in my day to day activities. I don't do things as the world does. I don't float passively in the lazy river of society. I have died to the flesh and live for Christ.

Remember that.

Writing Direction

My mom is truly a medical prodigy. We've had our problems (understatement) yet physicians consult with my mom with medical cases. She is truly gifted in anatomy and physiology... not so much neuropsychology, that's my area. Still, I'm book taught... she's gifted taught. So I called to tell her I feel fine, no anxiety, no depression...I'm good. The problem is I have lost control of my bowels twice this morning. Why? After a few questions, she figured it out. I was writing about the abuse Vietnam Veterans suffered, homeless vets, and homeless people with mental illnesses. Mom wisely told me all those things upset me. True. I'm trying to figure out God's will for my life. My mother wisely said, "Shelly, you know the Bible better than anyone I know. You are calmest and healthiest studying the Bible and spending time with Jesus. I think you should focus all your writing on Bible study."  Wow. I felt the Spirit wash over me at that moment. I had goosebumps all over my body. This felt prophetic. As of today, all of my writing will now be Biblical application for God's glory.