What I Do All Day

Most mornings, I wake up with severe anxiety after several nightmares due to PTSD. Fortunately, I no longer suffer from seizures and night terrors like I did for 4 years following Benzodiazepines withdrawals. As I write this at 8:30 am, I am having my usual chest pain, but my anxiety has lowered after Bible study. More specifically, after time with Jesus.

I don't like leaving my home because of agoraphobia. The most peaceful time of my day is after I pick up Jireh's poop every morning. Since I only go outside as little as possible, I walk the field to pick up everything she did the day before.

And I want Jireh to interact with others, so I try weekly to take her to Michael's and FSU. Throughout the day, I play with Addy and Jireh inside.

My favorite activity is studying the Bible, praying and worship because at those times, it is well with my soul.

I'm in the process of writing several books and looking for freelance writing column jobs since my income was recently cut by 20% - hence, my anxiety.

And I am in bed by 7pm. I want to SLEEP because that is the one time my anxiety isn't at the back of my mind.

So for those who feel sorry for my isolation and want me to get out more
... I am good, in my temporary home.

Life Plan

Just had great talk with Cathy... we realized Jesus CHOSE Judas to be one of the 12 disciples KNOWING not only Judas would betray Jesus, but Judas would commit suicide. He was still chosen. That's the grace of God. And, Jesus knew suffering and affliction more than anyone. He also knew God's plan for Him. However, Jesus STILL prayed if there was anyway the cup could be passed by, please let it pass. He KNEW HIS ULTIMATE PURPOSE IN LIFE, yet still begged the Father for another way... that is so comforting. I won't start back counseling again until I get some things straightened out myself. A colleague pointed out I step out of myself when I am counseling clients. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. That is where counseling comes in. If I see 5 clients per week, including wounded warriors, that would be perfect!

Sometimes you have to block out the world