Mid-Life Crisis

And the transition into my authentic self continues. Liberating to discover who I have become… more emotional than I anticipated. Letting go of what no longer fits into my lifestyle.  At times, I want to go back for the sake of comfort. There's a vast existential hole leading to loneliness.  Pushing through the pain leads me to cry out to Jesus,  making the hurts worth it. He remains the same.  Never changing is The Rock I hold on to while the world continually changes.
I find it crucial to surround myself with people who inspire me to be who I was created to be, actively doing what I was created to do. Wanting to be like Jesus, I am spending quality time getting to know Him, sitting silently as I listen for His soft voice. And this guides me in my transition as my priority is letting go of ALL that is not of Him.  Jesus is my compass as I follow the desires He places in my heart.

2 Corinthians 5:17 – “If anyone is in Christ,  there is a new creation.”.

Growth Hurts

Just like that, Crohn's and depression is back. I realize growing hurts. Growing sucks. Growing is good, except for the goodbyes. And we must say goodbye to grow, and make room for new friends. No one is at fault. We may walk together our entire lives, and suddenly, there's a fork in the road. Do you stay loyal to the person who has been by your side, who knows the girl you have been and treats you accordingly? Or do you stay loyal to yourself, making friends who treat you as the person you are growing to be?

I have to stay loyal to me. I will never forget the memories of the past. I also will not force a friendship on those who censor their traumatic experiences from me for fear they will trigger me. And ESPECIALLY when they lie and tell me they are fine, no, GOOD, after a terrible loss has happened. To me, THAT IS THE DEFINITION OF A BURDEN WHEN YOU HAVE TO MASK YOUR FEELINGS.

I will not be a burden. I'm taking the road less traveled, the road of authenticity.

What Truly Matters

Yep! Look how quicker I rebound now as opposed to 7 years ago. I don't let life keep me down. I may fall, but I get right back up. The past two months have been one heartbreak after another... yet NOT ONCE did I question my relationship with Jesus, and I ALWAYS like who I see in the mirror because I am true to who God created me to be.

Checking In

Checking in for those worried and praying... I am okay. Talking to a couple friends daily. Learning so much about myself, the biggest practical fact is there are people who respect me despite my unconventional beliefs. Be you. Stand by your beliefs. Most will leave your side. The ones who stay are genuine keepers.

Encouragement

I've been sick so here are some things to keep the blog going...