Great Article Describing Depression

I can so relate to being too depressed to leave the house or even shower...
Bipolar Disorder, My Lost Years:

Currently, my anxiety is full blast, leading to Crohn's flare up, leading to Agoraphobia and Depression. I don't feel good AT ALL. Even having chest pains.

I think it stems from my faith is wavering. There is no doubt in my mind God keeps his promises, and I have several verses memorized about His provision, protection and comfort.

Fact is mental illness is real. I can't pray it away.  God says IF YOU BELIEVE, whatever you ask for in prayer, you will receive. However, it must be in accordance with God's plan and we must ask for the right reason.

A week from tomorrow Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) starts. I LOVE, LOVE BSF. I will meet fellow Biblical scholars who know and love the Bible as a  uBSF. We talk for HOURS about the Bible, and are trying to plan a weekend together, alone... with our Bibles.

But I can't "just go" to BSF.  I'm scared. I had an accident in my pants just typing this. My health conditions are overtaking me.

That's why I love this article. Mental illness is paralyzing.  God is powerful and superior. Yet we are human. And just "praying" is not the answer.

My Children's Book Series

Here is the link to my Children's Book Series

Revamping My Writing Career

A new season... literally! I've decided to stop looking back and strictly focus on my future... especially my faith. My health will not allow me to work a conventional job, but fortunately, I have been a freelance writer for years. I just haven't put too much energy into it. Although I have numerous publications, my publisher is lacking in timely Commission checks. Because Jireh went to the vet, needing medications and a toy to cheer her up, I am facing a month with no food or money. But, JIREH FEELS BETTER, and that's PRICELESS. 

Long story short, it's time to find a new publisher. And while I am at it, it's time to reapproach my writing career with definite changes. So if you are reading this entry and would like to exchange page links, I will connect readers to your blog if you return the favor.

My background is a licensed mental health counselors and Certified Rehabilitation  Counselor with extensive knowledge and experience in numerous psychological & physical conditions. 

At the age of 8, I began writing journals with poetry and I have continued for 40 years.

Currently, I am writing a textbook on aging with disabilities, a Bible study, and a collection of poetry. 

If you're a writer, please, introduce yourself. If you're a publisher, please email me at Shellyfsu@gmail.com. 

Nice to meet you!

Bible Journaling

Whenever a verse speaks to me, I journal the date and event in my Bible. I just did this with the verse referenced in my Birthday card. This is my third journaling Bible. I have filled the first two with thoughts and feelings. This Bible is my letter back to God. I started Beth Moore's new Bible Study, "The Quest", which is PRECISELY about what I am doing.

Content

I like this picture. My hair, the Tallahassee trees, my brain, myself. I like who God created me to be. It took oceans of tears, kicking, screaming, cussing... at 48, I like who I see in the mirror.

Seminole for Life

Let me warn those who do not know... I am overly sensitive to people bashing my school, ESPECIALLY PEOPLE WHO DID NOT GO TO COLLEGE! Florida State Alumni is how I identify myself in this world. I do not belong to a family in the conventional sense. I decided to attend FSU because it was the farthest I could get away from my relatives. Everybody said I wouldn't make it... well, guess what?! My first psychiatric hospitalization was the summer I went to my parent's after 8 months in Tallahassee. I realized how "brainwashed" I had been... maybe that word is too harsh. My values no longer aligned with how I had been raised, ESPECIALLY after my lifelong pastor told me my depression was due to not being married.

What Satan meant as harm turned out to be for my good. I researched EVERY "religion' from atheism to Buddhism. And I began a 25 year journey of reading the Bible, praying, researching and.... ended up with my GREATEST TREASURE - A personal relationship with Jesus.  I KNOW Him because I spend infinite alone time with Him.

So I tell you right now... I am very difficult to be friends with. My fellowship is through my writing. I don't let many people in. If I let you in...you are one of a handful.

All this to say, PLEASE DO NOT BASH FLORIDA STATE ON MY PAGE! To me, it is like bashing my child. Don't do it.

Finally, if you notice, the people who actually attended the college usually are the ones who refrain from trash talk because we empathize with the underdog. It's the people who did not attend said college who talk the most smack.

Job Description

Jireh goes back to the vet this morning. Watching her in such misery yesterday was excruciating. I can't bare to recount the details. My baby was sick, and I went from feeling helpless to.... well, feeling responsible. My thoughts lingered on Jireh deserves a better mom. And thoughts ran off from there. Earlier, a friend offered to Skype with me so I didn’t feel alone. After saying I didn't want to talk, my friend offered to just be there, making sure I am okay. That meant so much.

With prayers asking for focus, I was able to spend time doing Bible study. Admittedly, I had some difficulty believing. No, I take that back. I fully believe God’s Word. I am afraid of His plan.

This morning, I told Jesus I can't handle seeing my dog in such misery. I wondered how my mom handled the uncertanties of my health issues.  God took care of me. He had His own plan.

Truth is Jireh is God's dog... He is allowing me to take care of her. My job is to take care of her until The Father wants her back. I can't handle this, but it's God's job.

Taking care of me is also His job. My job is to follow Jesus. I have to get back to work.