Social Security Mistake Brings Peace

Going on the third week after receiving the Social Security letter informing me not only would my SSDI be cutting my monthly income by nearly 25%, my June check will barely cover my rent since they are taking out the total overpayments in one check.

To say I have been petrified is an understatement. I am alone meaning I have no relatives to help me. In fact, I have 6 major disabilities where I struggle with and daily living activities are challenging. The older I get, the less control I have over my body. Fortunately, I have been independent for my entire adult life, but my body is declining. Since I fall approximately twice per week, I have a Service Dog named, Jireh, meaning "the Lord will Provide". Jireh has been with me over 7 years and is truly my best friend. She goes everywhere with me, and is my life companion. With this cut in my check, I can't afford to keep Jireh. I will barely receive enough money to pay rent and electricity. 

So I made plans to send Jireh to a good friend who has money to take care of her as she deserves. As for me, I planned to lay in bed for the rest of my life.

There is one caveat- I dedicated my life to Jesus on May, 15, 1983. My life is not my life... I gave my life to Jesus, meaning I strive to follow Him and glorify God with my life.

This means I can't wave the white flag and give up. Period. No exceptions.

Fortunately, some extraordinary friends have stepped up and agreed to help me cover June's bills. Also, I have a few credentials, such as being a Licensed Mental Health Counselor,  a Biblical scholar and a published author of several books and numerous technical papers.

This morning, my infinite number of calls and emails resulted in a Social Security Supervisor calling me to set up a court hearing. An hour later, I understood Social Security made a mistake 3 months ago in increasing my income. Since then, my rent has increased by $70. It's a mess.

Bottom line - After hearing the lady trying every resource to help me (all of which I have contacted to no avail), a sense of resolution washed over me. I interrupted her and said, "Ma'am...I hear you trying everything to help me, and I am so thankful for that. An honest mistake was made. I am not eligible for the income I have been receiving."... she replied, "I am so sorry... I am trying everything to help you..." I stopped her by continuing, "Ma'am, you have helped me mentally. You have explained the situation and tried everything you could. Thank you. I am going to be fine. I have a strong faith in God, and He has taken care of me my entire life. God has this," and I thanked her again, wishing her a great day.

Some people will think that is giving up. But no... for me, I got the chance to glorify God. And with my time and talents, I will earn extra money freelance writing about how amazing God is. After all, that is why I was created.

You Forget Who I Am- link

Posted on new blog. Please check it out here.

You Forget Who I Am https://christianbohemian.blog/2018/05/20/you-forget-who-i-am/

Here's My Story

Click here for story.

Taking Control

Yesterday, I filled out my Appeal letter regarding my cut in my Disability Check. Trying to stay calm and not panic as this could turn my world upside down.

Social Security News picked up my blog entry on losing 25% of my SSDI and retweeted it. I finished my appeal and added the following (below). Thank you to everyone offering to help me. I fell yesterday and landed on my back, am now in pain, yet am writing all I can to use this time to find writing income before it's too late.

I filled this out the best I could. The change in not having my Medicare covered will leave me homeless without family. I was only able to renew my apartment lease (which increased approx. $70) because I was eligible for State paid Medicare. When the State pays, I earn too much, but when I have to pay, I cannot even afford rent and electric. My service dog helps me walk and I won't be able to afford to keep her. I truly will be alone on the streets. And it costs $1,500 to break lease. HELP

The photo are my kids on Mother's Day.

American Care Act Destroys Life's

Friends, we can't afford to ignore political issues anymore. The changes with the Affordable Care Act is affecting me. Since you know me, it is impacting YOU! The change in the law could take me from the happiest time of my life to losing EVERYTHING, and being on the streets. No exaggeration. Fortunately, I have the intelligence to appeal the decision while thousands have no background in disability issues. Also, I have generous friends who are helping me with June's bills, when the government is taking out 25% of my SSDI. By then, hopefully I will win my appeal. If I don't, I can stay in my home with little air conditioning, going to food banks, and investing all my time to freelance writing  (I am already doing the latter.) I will be one of the lucky ones. We MUST vote, advocate, and educate on behalf of people with disabilities.

Service Dog

So I haven't been pushing my Gofundme page for a new service dog because the vet said Jireh has a good 4 more years of working for me. Yesterday, Jireh was sick so I made her lay down all day.

Well, I fell on my ribs and in severe pain. I was told to lay around as much as I can so my ribs will heal. I have a high pain tolerance, and let me tell you... I am in SEVERE PAIN! I can't drive to FSU so this really awesome guy came to my place so I can rest while he and his friend excercised Ji. They wore her out!

So I need to push my request for donations to get a new 8 - 10 week old golden retriever to start training. If I lost Jireh, I will lose my independence. I need to train a puppy while Jireh is still able to help me. Please donate whatever you can. Thanks.

Copy link into your browser. 

https://www.gofundme.com/help-disabled-lady-stay-independent

Your support would mean a lot to me. Thank you so much!

Meeting Reba McEntire

New Post...

https://christianbohemian.blog/2018/03/04/travels/

Cerebral Palsy Impacting Secondary Conditions

Understanding Not Understanding

Please hang in there as I transition to my new blog. I need to make it more thorough so please keep checking this blog for new posts until I finish setting it up. 

New Post here 

Traveling with Disabilities - Rejuvenate Ur Life

I am very excited to introduce my first guest blogger - Shelly Weiss. Shelly Weiss is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor/Consultant who was born with Cerebral Palsy. She has more than 30 years working in the disability community, including keynote presentations all over the country. Shelly shared with me a wonderful experience she had at the Bohemian Hotel Celebration and I asked her if she would share it with all of you. [  606 more words ]

Rejuvenate Your Life - The Bohemian Celebration Hotel

Ways to Handle Opposition

You can "love thy neighbor" without going into their house.  Smile, wave, and keep walking. The Bible has so many verses on how to respond to enemies. By enemies, I mean those who distract you from following God, living for Christ, and keeping the peace. At the end of this post, I will list several verses to memorize when faced with opposition.

Of course, my first response is to fight back. I can hold my own in an argument, largely because the little girl in me has learned to keep walls up, not emotionally investing in people as I stay at home with writing, books, and God's Word. This has been my chosen lifestyle for most of my adult life, until my dad died a few months ago. My mother and brothers are extremely toxic to me, thus I assumed if my own blood can treat me so terribly, I have no interest in socializing.

My purpose here is to glorify God. He has gifted me with writing talent, Biblical understanding, and Spiritual guidance. Also, the older I get, the less ability I have to get out due to worsening of multiple chronic illnesses (both physical and mental). Inevitably, when I force myself to socialize, I poop my pants (Crohn's Disease), fall (Cerebral Palsy), and end potential relationships (PTSD, Major Depression, Agoraphobia).

God has convinced me it's His will I spend my days writing, reading, and worshipping while enjoying His undeniable peaceful presence. And I love that lifestyle.  I am immensely grateful He has made this possible for me.

Even though I gave up toxic relationships for lent, political actions including making changes to the Americans with Disabilities Act had me glued to social media. Well, I can officially say Facebook is dangerous to my health. Without the Lord reminding me "By this all men will know you are my disciples, if you love one another" - John 13:35, I stopped in my tracks, filled with shame and repentance from my thoughts, actions, and comments.

Satan knows each of our vulnerabilities. One of mine is injustice and prejudice, especially against people with disabilities. I was close to a meltdown yesterday... a full-blown  meltdown. The things I said to people were NOT filled with love. And my thoughts were pure MEAN!

When did I forget God will always be the  King of the world? (Natalie Grant).

I shut off Facebook, and remembered Joshua 1:8 - "Do not let this Book of Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.".

I remember the people bashing me, and ask God for His power to "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful." Luke 6:36.

I  vowed to "Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it." - Psalm 34:14, knowing the Lord of peace himself will give me peace at all times and in every way (2 Thessalonians 3:16).

And with that, I learned to avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly (2 Timothy 2:16). 

No longer will I engage in ignorant discussions. Instead, I call my Congressmen, express my concerns, and leave the rest to God. 

This will save both my time and sanity.

Rant Against People's Ignorance

And the Blessings Keep Coming

And the Blessings Keep Coming...

My rent goes up next month, so a couple months ago, I thought I would have to move to a cheaper place. Not having the money for initial costs of deposits and such, in addition to loving where I live... the situation seemed hopeless. Since then, God has taught me to EXPECT (not HOPE) He will answer my prayers. I learned being obedient, walking according to His leading, and ASKING were components lacking in my life.

A couple weeks ago, I checked my bank balance to see if I had money for a McDonald's value meal. There was an extra $156 in my account from Social Security! It seems I have been deemed "medically needy", and no longer have Medicare expenses taken from my check. This more than covers my increase in rent!!!!

God then showed me how having $5 value meals in lieu of groceries was NOT good stewardship. So I started ordering cereal, coffee, peanut butter, kitty litter, toilet paper etc. off Amazon where they are a minimum of 50% cheaper if you can find them as "add on items". I also order protein shake powder and mix it with water to get the proper nutrition. My diet and spending significantly changed for the better ACCORDING TO GOD'S WILL, NOT MY WILL.

My favorite band, Def Leppard, started selling concert tickets the day I got my SSDI. I had assumed this must be a sign that God wanted me to make a financial exception and put tickets on my emergency credit card. I mean, it's DEF LEPPARD! Sure, I have seen them 6 times before, but IT'S MY FAVORITE BAND SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.

Well, the day came when tickets went on sale. On the way to buy Jireh's monthly medication, I get a text on my phone saying tickets JUST went on sale. So I made a mental note to order the ticket right after running errands.

Then the vet told me Jireh's check up is in a month. (Since she's a service dog, I only pay for medication, including shots.) That will be an additional expense. I don't even want to consider 'what if something is wrong with her'. Then, a close friend lost 'their' job and we share a phone plan, so I have to cover the entire $210 phone bill. (We both have payment plans for our phones, making the bill high).

No Def Leppard tickets. I even cancelled my monthly order for the diffuser oil that helps with migraines, C.P., anxiety and PTSD.

I kept telling God to tell me what to do, especially financially, and I will do it because I EXPECT HIM TO BE JEHOVAH  JIREH - My Provider.

I called At&T to get on the lowest data plan possible, and was switched to another department where the representative said when people call to cancel their accounts, At&t offers them $30 off their monthly bill to stay. Since I have been such a loyal customer, they wanted to keep me on my plan at a $30 cheaper rate!!  I couldn't believe it!!! Praise God!

Then, this morning, I went to buy milk for my cereal. Starbucks was right next door. I haven't been to Starbucks in what seems like an eternity. Paying $5 for a cup of coffee is no longer in my budget. I wanted a Butterscotch Latte so bad. I asked God, okay, TOLD God... just one Butterscotch Latte... please?

I didn't get a solid answer. My car headed towards Starbucks. I felt like I was about to get into mischief, thinking, "this is wrong, this is wrong...", when I pulled up to pay for my latte, the cashier told me the lady before me paid for my order!!!!

No words, except HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!

Cerebral Palsy and Related Health Issues

Additional health issues related to cerebral palsy,  including mental illness and addiction on my YouTube channel here

https://youtu.be/mqOn4DcvfQQ

All I Can Do with Disabilities

Watching figure skating reminds me of better days between my mother and me. We had tickets to watch the Figure Skating Tour with Kristy Yamuguchi, Scott Hamilton, Tara Lapinski, etc. to which I was beyond ecstatic! I still remember the sound of blades cutting through the arena ice, as the skaters glided smoothly on ice, dancing to classical music. Forever to be a favorite life memory.

The most memorable part happened a few days before the show, when my mother and told my aunt and grandmother she “was taking me to ice skating”. Note- we have lived in Florida since I was 4 years old.  My aunt and grandmother hesitantly asked my mother if she really thought that was a good idea as it had been years since mother had ice skated. They didn't question MY ABILITY to ice skate as I was expected to do anything I set my mind to… whether it be water skiing, snow skiing, mountain climbing, roller skating, and, evidently, figure skating.

I consider my Cerebral Palsy to be a little above moderate in terms of physical impairment. Fortunately, my stubbornness has always surpassed my limitations. Every individual is different in terms of abilities and potential. Labels (a.k.a. medical diagnoses) too often becomes more of a handicap than the disability itself!

At age 48, I find myself searching online and in society what to expect as my body is suffering from the repercussions of my brain damage on my muscles and organs. I wonder if sleeping 12 hours per day is due to aging with C.P.? How about the tightness in my chest after brief physical exertion?  Or difficulties opening jars, carrying coffee, and tightening my gas cap?

I will forever be grateful for being raised without limitations based on my disabilities for it led to a fulfilling quality of life. Now, my stubborn streak is not enough to defy the results of aging, and that is hard for me to accept. Even more frustrating is my childhood friends expecting me to do all the things I did as a child. I have been told things such as, “You never let your C.P. stop you before… what happened?”.

It's tough not to take such comments personally. I cannot convince them I am the same girl when they are seeing glimpses of a quitter.

All I can do is all I can do… I think I found a new personal quote, and even book title.

Kashmere Kollection's and Healthcare

Started writing this post while at the doctor where I told the nurse I quit taking 4 medications after getting Kashmere's diffuser oils. 

Continued and edited after the doctor gave me a clean bill of health. 

The nurse commented my face looks healthy, and I told her it is Kashmere's Body Butter and Self-Tanner. I truly have not felt this healthy in 15 years.

Note: I am chronicly disabled with the following conditions at 48 years old- Cerebral Palsy, Crohn's Disease, PTSD, Agoraphobia, endometriosis, Attention Deficit Disorder, Asthma, and Excoriation.

After many years, I am writing again instead of staying in bed all day. So many people are complimenting me that I take pride in who I am, and it shows in my mood. A couple drops of Lavender oil on my eye mask and I fall asleep within 20 minutes. Before Kashmere, I had such severe migraines, I took 4 Excedrine for Migraines per day! No more migraines!

Now, I don't blame anyone for being skeptical because I truly didn't believe in aromatherapy myself. I got a diffuser to lightly scent my home when I noticed my health was improving. (Be careful with diffusing essential oils around pets as they may be harmful. Cats lack the enzyme needed for inhaling some oils, so I keep my cat away from the diffuser, and use oil on my eye mask when my cat sleeps with me.)

Then I ordered the Body Butter since my hands are so dry, and the Self-Tanner since I look so much healthier with a tan. The scents are the same so my friends comment on how I always smell so fresh. (How did I smell before?!)

The costs I save from medication, even Excedrine ALONE, makes it possible for me to buy products on my limited income. I save so much on copayments to doctors, I think Medicare should cover Kashmere's products.

I could go on and on, but just trust me... wait for a sale and try the diffuser at Kashmere Kollection's. I will even provide a 10% discount below. Don't even get me started on earning Loyalty points! Read about it on the website, and join the Facebook Kashmere Kollection's group for the nicest people you will ever meet (just like their Customer Service).

My doctor confirmed my health has definitely improved. Thanks, Kashmere!

*I am not getting paid for promoting Kashmere's products. They are TRULY life changing.

Use this link to get 10% off coupon at Kashmere Kollections 

Struggling with Christmas

My Christmas started at midnight with all these texts about what a LIAR I am, wanting people to think I am alone on Christmas, and my Facebook shows me having a great time with friends. I explained that was LAST year, and I am alone except Cathy will be here from noon to 2pm (just long enough for me to get wasted at happy hour). The person went on and on about how I want people to feel sorry for me, I embrace my depression, on and on and on. I took Xanax earlier in the day thinking I couldn't take them today with   Cathy here, so I slept after talking with a couple friends. Because I didn't answer the phone, I was called a coward and liar... yeah, Merry Christmas. Plus, I was told I guilt my friends into kissing my ass. 

No, I share my depression and anxiety because of ignorant people like HIM! And I see all these posts about reaching out for help if you are depressed... HELLO! THIS IS HOW PEOPLE REACT! If I wasn't strong in my relationship with Jesus, his comments would have pushed me over the edge from depression to being actively suicidal.
The best gift I can give anyone who is struggling with the holidays is to isolate and don't tell people. They can't handle it. If they ask how you are, say "I'm fine".

By the way, this IS the day to celebrate the birth of Jesus. My gift to Him is to share His gifts with me. I am starting a Christian devotional blog today, so this blog can focus on mental health and disability issues. For those of you wanting to start an in depth Bible study with easy to understand and applicable posts for each day, I will launch the new blog January 1st. I hope you join me.

Merry Christmas, and take care of yourself.

Disabilities, Sexual Abuse, and Church

After a great Saturday with a friend, and a social detox day yesterday, I woke up clinically depressed. Depression is like that- showing up out of nowhere. Let me add my left side was hurting last night due to Cerebral Palsy,  so I took a couple muscle relaxants before bed. This led to vivid nightmares of the sexual abuse I experienced in 2010… and, I woke up like this. Cerebral Palsy, sexual abuse, PTSD, now severe depression. I don’t dare eat because my Crohn’s will flare up. Welcome to my life.
There are so many directions I could take this entry… since I am still reeling from the Matt Lauer falling from sexual abuse, I will go that way. While it is refreshing to finally see women speaking up, hearing incidents triggers PTSD.  Sexual abuse happens in churches, too. Here is a recount of my experience-

The church conspired with my mom to institutionalize me. Sent the cops to come get me... the cops said "we can't take you... you're smarter than we are!". The bad part was she got all my friends to believe I was an incompetent drug addict. So I pushed everyone away. Meanwhile, my landlord  (who also attended the church), wouldn't fix my heat unless I gave him oral sex. I refused, and reported him to my pastor. My pastor talked to the landlord who admitted everything, saying he was sexually attracted to me and didn't trust himself alone with me. My pastor told me not to worry about it.  I left everything behind and lived in my car at the rest area. I had been going to him for pastoral counseling for Xanax addiction, and he said he was addicted to pornography and told me all about that and sex with his wife... so two different men from my church were being sexually inappropriate with me while conspiring with my mom and friends to institutionalize me. Was I crazy?

I lost everything except Jesus. 
I don’t go to church anymore.

I have a firm understanding of the Bible, spending an average of 4 to 6 hours of Quiet Time per day. Jesus is very present to me, and I survive, spiritually growing, by being in solitude with the Holy Spirit... fellowshipping with a few friends. Basically, I live like a nun. I am going to be with Him now to cry out to my Prince of Peace... He is waiting.

We are All Human

Those of you who have followed me know I have a long history of sexual abuse dating (no pun) back to the age of 6. People with disabilities are more vulnerable to abuse since they often require personal assistance to change clothes, use the restroom, etc. Plus, being socially segregated from non-disabled individuals doesn't always allow for natural interpersonal development. When I was a high school counselor for students with physical disabilities, the teens claimed to have boyfriends, who, in most cases, didn't even know the student... much like elementary school children. On top of all this, individuals with disabilities experience so much touching through physical therapy, we don't know what parts of our body are "off limits".

Then you add factors such as being unable to speak and cognitive impairments... we are undoubtedly perfect victims for abuse. At age forty eight, I still question what is appropriate in relationships, and so I isolate. Some people are in abusive relationships because they believe they can't get anyone else. And sadly, some must stay with abusers out of financial and/or physical necessity. During my twenties, I settled for a lot of abuse thinking "if he can overlook my disabilities, I can overlook his abuse". I am writing a book about my life, including a chapter on this very topic... the risks I took for the sake of feeling damaged because of my cerebral palsy. The greatest being having unprotected sex with a man who had a sexual disease 'because he loved me enough to be with someone as damaged as me'. (It was quite a scare so be sure to buy my autobiography when I finish it.)

Looking back, I see each of those men as monsters. That is why the firing of Matt Lauer has me... I don't have a word. Due to my chosen limited social interactions, celebrities play a primary role in my life. Second to Gabriel Byrne, Matt Lauer is my favorite male celebrity. How can he be a monster? My heart literally aches.

We are all humans. None of us are flawless. People criticize me for sharing too much personal information when my transparency is what keeps me accountable. Few would be shocked if I was found strung out on Xanax or dead from a drug overdose or jailed for assaulting someone who hurt my cat and dog. I'm human.

Matt Lauer is human. Those who abused me are human. As a society, we have got to be more transparent about our temptations and weaknesses. We cannot turn our head out of personal discomfort. We have to listen and act when people are violated. Regardless of disability, race, position, gender...we are all human.