Poem - Me Now

Had another setback yesterday. Then again, I had several blessings.

Wrote this poem to check in-

Me Now

While my mind is racing, my heart's at peace.
Seeing my character since dad has deceased
Following my Jesus, keeping Him near,
I like who I see when I look in the mirror.

Unconventional, I trek against every grain. Not listening to those who call me insane.
No more do I settle, predictable - I am not.
Having very little, yet loving all I've got.

You may kick me down, for awhile, I may stay.
But God's always with me each second of the day.

Ready For Heaven

Knowing heaven awaits believers when they pass away, I have never understood why people tell me "don't say that!" when I say I am ready to be with Jesus. We use to sing about being homesick for heaven and the center of Christianity is following Christ. I am ready to reach Him.

Reading 2 Corinthians 5 is very comforting to me as I anticipate the day My Father calls me home.
In 2 Corinthians 5, there is a description of how God created us to long for heaven. The Bible says we moan and groan in our temporary homes on earth until we reach our eternal home in heaven.

So I may make a sign saying READ 2 CORINTHIANS 5 the next time someone tells me don't say I am ready to go to Jesus.

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands.Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling,because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked.For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed instead with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life.Now the one who has fashioned us for this very purpose is God, who has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.Therefore we are always confident and know that as long as we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord.For we live by faith, not by sight.We are confident, I say, and would prefer to be away from the body and at home with the Lord.So we make it our goal to please him, whether we are at home in the body or away from it." - 2 Corinthians 5:1-9

Checking In

Checking in for those worried and praying... I am okay. Talking to a couple friends daily. Learning so much about myself, the biggest practical fact is there are people who respect me despite my unconventional beliefs. Be you. Stand by your beliefs. Most will leave your side. The ones who stay are genuine keepers.

Living Proof

My reality.

Matter of Perspective

I've had it all, according to the "world". Many boyfriends, lots of friends, teaching grad students at UCF, writing for UF, speaking statewide for the Department of Education, my own Private Practice making $120 hour in 2000 - 2005... sports cars, luxury trips, books published... there was always something missing... time alone with Jesus.

You pity me... I pity you. I live in my favorite place in the world, FINALLY living authentically for the first time in my life. I have had the life the world says is successful. No thanks. I want MY LIFE. Don't try to change me, please.

It's Hitting Me

I was never close to my dad. I'm not going to act like we were really close and I would do anything to have him back.

It's more the fact my dad died. A momentous event forcing me to search within and look deep down.the 

I'm in the anger stage. Wanting  to completely isolate and just stay in bed. People irritate me, and I am about to lose friends again. I finally opened my planner this morning, and my last entry was asking God to take me to the next phase in my life... then I got the call Dad was dying. I changed my profile photos because I am not pretending I was close to him. I never was. He was my dad and I  am heartbroken he died. Yes. But I can't romanticize the situation by pretending we had something we didn't. I am so empowered that I succeeded in saying goodbye to him. That was beautiful, and I followed my heart. It is a new phase. Facebook is such a facade to act like you are best friends with people and close. It's stupid. And I am not wasting my time with things and people who do not matter anymore.

Falling Rocks and The Solid Rock

My father passed away two days ago. I am doing much self-reflection, which will make for innovative writing material.

God has truly carried me through. Despite multiple health issues, I drove from Tallahassee to Tennessee with my Jireh. In the fog and darkness of mountains, somehow, I remained calm navigating signs like "Falling Rocks" and "No Shoulders". At several points,  there was no phone reception.

Exhausted, I kept going, racing to get to my dad before he died. As the Bible says, I kept focused on running the race ahead of me. I stared at Truck lights in front of me, imagining Jesus, the Ultimate Light, was guiding my path. I dared not look to the right or left... I dared not waver.

Praise God, I made the trip safely. I kind of felt like Elijah during his journey!

Now, I haven't gotten out of bed, haven't eaten or written. Maybe tomorrow. God taught me so much these past few days.

Still, the "Falling Rocks" started when I got home. Mental rocks. I had the 3rd black out of my life due to mental and physical exhaustion. 

I may take a short break from writing and functioning... as I regain my balance... on Christ the solid Rock I stand.