Ever wonder how I take care of myself on my own? I rely on God and a couple close Christian friends. This video shows the PERFECT example why... in real time.
People who do not understand my relationship with God do not realize He takes care of me. He has me.
I do not understand how people stay sane without a relationship with Him.
Click here:
https://youtu.be/ntRl4IiNGFA
*I am using this letter to a friend to explain my release from family drama. Just because your parents are your parents, if it is a toxic relationship, you need to let them go.
No one and nothing is worth your sanity.
By the way, there has been a lapse in my writing the past few days because of toxic relationships. By tending to toxic relationships, I have neglected the friends, work and quiet time that fulfills my quality of life.
Went to Walmart and got generic food... my fridge is full. It's beyond comforting to look in my pantry and find food. It's like a life raft. I agreed to write for a travel blog on how hotels are accommodating to people with disabilities. I need to catch up my own blogs after getting behind from crashing over the weekend.
Relatives are calling me and I finally got to the point of being honest when they ask where I have been for 30 years. They tell me my mom always said "Shelly isn't speaking to me", so last night, I told my cousin everything. Everything. From when mom butt called me and I overheard her saying how horrible I am, to trying to commit me, to sitting there when Mikie went to punch me, to not letting me stay with my dad on his death bed. So, yes, she was right saying "Shelly isn't speaking to me". And I explained why.
And my cousin CRIED, saying she had no idea, and how have I survived? And I said I kept going back to her until New Year's Eve, when I wrote her off forever. And I have never felt freer.
I have you and wonderful people in my life. And I have never felt more loved, or healthier.
We have to let go of the past for our own sanity. And God blesses us by filling our opened heart with people who love and treat us as we deserve.
Thank you for showing me the love of Christ. I love you, and trust Jesus more than ever.
Between writing, blogging, promoting and organizing, I never look through Facebook anymore. I am in this writing groove and have learned how to market my work, so I turn my phone on silent now to avoid distractions.
I wanted to share something MAJOR- When my mom triggered me into suicidal thoughts, I was telling Jen I am mad at God because He won't let me come home, and quoted all these scriptures where He says He is not like my earthly parents, when I listed ways He is. I put my Bible on the shelf because He (like mom) won't talk to me face to face, so I wasn't going to read the Bible anymore. I studied suicide in Grad school. I have to take professional courses on suicide prevention yearly to maintain my counseling license because suicide is so common. It makes me so mad 14 year old kids commit suicide. I have tried so many times and failed. I give up trying. Jen said the PERFECT response: "God is NOT like your relatives. God won't let you commit suicide because you make the world a better place, where your relatives don't care if you die". She got me.
Yesterday was awful, so I here is last Thanksgiving's post, which still applies today..
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Happy Thanksgiving! First, I apologize to the Native Americans for how my ancestors treated you and continue to treat you. This is your land, and I never forget that. Second, I thank Jesus for my life... it's not what I wanted, yet it has brought me closer to You. It has made me rely on You for everything from walking to speaking to pooping to breathing to getting out of bed. Thank You, Jesus. You are My Everything. I am thankful for Jireh and Addy who bring happiness to my days, making me laugh and love. I am thankful for my safe home in my favorite city in the world. I am thankful for friends who put up with my moods and my unpredictability. And I am thankful for my relatives... all of them... who have made me one strong, stubborn, determined, independent woman.
My father passed away two days ago. I am doing much self-reflection, which will make for innovative writing material.
God has truly carried me through. Despite multiple health issues, I drove from Tallahassee to Tennessee with my Jireh. In the fog and darkness of mountains, somehow, I remained calm navigating signs like "Falling Rocks" and "No Shoulders". At several points, there was no phone reception.
Exhausted, I kept going, racing to get to my dad before he died. As the Bible says, I kept focused on running the race ahead of me. I stared at Truck lights in front of me, imagining Jesus, the Ultimate Light, was guiding my path. I dared not look to the right or left... I dared not waver.
Praise God, I made the trip safely. I kind of felt like Elijah during his journey!
Now, I haven't gotten out of bed, haven't eaten or written. Maybe tomorrow. God taught me so much these past few days.
Still, the "Falling Rocks" started when I got home. Mental rocks. I had the 3rd black out of my life due to mental and physical exhaustion.
I may take a short break from writing and functioning... as I regain my balance... on Christ the solid Rock I stand.
