Friday, April 28, 2017

Too Busy

When people claim they are busy, neglecting to return even simple texts, I walk away. Until a couple months ago, I would try to justify the absences, the realizations I am the one always initiating contact, but not anymore.

We make time for what truly matters.

One of my favorite authors shared how Jesus was sought by all the people wanting healing, the witnessing He was sent to do, the critics trying to get Him... and I thought about how BUSY Jesus was while on earth.

He loved everyone while keeping the Father's will a priority. He set boundaries. Jesus, the busiest individual of all time, walked the walk, proclaiming the great commandment-Love Another.

Jesus was never too busy for loving others.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

To My Friends

Thanks for trying to help. I have been praying about God's will for this season for awhile. Please just listen and don't try to push me into something I don't feel right about. I know I need to earn a couple hundred dollars a month. God will show me His will. I am prioritizing my mental health right now. Please understand. On the outside, it appears I am lazy,  a moocher, and moody. I am protecting my mental health. I am taking care of me before I end up back on drugs and suicidal. Please, please... take my health seriously.  I am not doing great right now. God is in control. Thank you.


Asked God for ONE MORE SIGN He doesn't want me to be a Medicare Provider as a psychotherapist. I just received a call... I need to be CPR certified. There's the sign. I can't do CPR. Plus, I don't need that stress. God has something better planned for me.

Monday, April 24, 2017


I am realizing the plans I have for my life doesn't match God's plan. There is so much I want to do, yet I was recently on the verge of a breakdown. God has given me so many blessings, it is hard to take it all in.

The dreams you had in the past may change as you grow. The old self is gone. Discover who you have become,  ask God to fill your heart with HIS desires, and go from there.

Let His Word be your map.

Romans 6:11 In the same way, count yourselves dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. 12 Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its evil desires. 13 Do not offer any part of yourself to sin as an instrument of wickedness, but rather offer yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life; and offer every part of yourself to him as an instrument of righteousness. 14 For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace

When you accept Jesus as Lord, you die to your self. What this means is your life is no longer your own. Your future years, future days, future minutes are to be lived for HIM… not your selfish desires. The great thing about Jesus dying for our sins is we will not be put to death for our sins. Romans says ‘the wages of sin is death” Romans 6:23. Thank God we are no longer under the law… He died for us. We are free… but don’t use your freedom to sin – use your freedom to live for Jesus.

How can we apply this to our lives?
Remember, our Heavenly Father isn’t ‘a man upstairs’ (He isn’t a ‘man’ at all!) taking tally of when we do good versus when we sin. We were formed from dust – He knows that. He loves us like crazy. If you worry, are anxious, and/or are a perfectionist, keep this in mind: God’s love for you is full of grace – He knows we are going to mess up! In the Old Testament, people were killed for sinning. Jesus shed His blood for us so that is no longer true. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. If you are a child of God, your debt has been paid.

Romans 6:1 What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? 2 By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?

Romans 6: 22 But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life. 23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Relationship with Christ

Romans 3:27 Where, then, is boasting? It is excluded. Because of what law? The law that requires works? No, because of the law that requires faith. 28 For we maintain that a person is justified by faith apart from the works of the law.

Romans 11:6 And if by grace, then it cannot be based on works; if it were, grace would no longer be grace.

Just like after Jesus rose from the dead, there continue to be people who miss an important part of Easter. They miss the fact that all we have to do to be blessed by Jesus is admit we are sinners, accept Him into our hearts, and allow Him to be Lord of our lives. They miss the point of ‘works’ – thinking if we do certain behaviors, Jesus will increase our blessing.  It’s sad to think people fail to see Jesus’  crucifixion  as the way to to wipe out the rules of the Old Testament in order that we may remain free.

How can we apply this to our lives?
Many people believe in “The Prosperity Gospel” – God blesses those who are most obedient. “If you do this (fill in the blank), then God will bless you…”. First of all, knowing and conversing with Jesus is the greatest blessing of all, and I already have that. Secondly, the whole purpose of Easter was to do away with ‘earning your way into heaven’ or ‘earning favor with God’ because we were born sinners, we cannot earn favor with God… we can only approach God through Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection. Thirdly, Jesus has no favorites. He loves us all the same. We are all His children regardless of our actions. Fourthly, if Jesus only gives us what we can handle, wouldn’t that mean He trusts individuals who face harder challenges more than those with minimal struggles? Fifth – I don’t do things to be blessed by God; I don’t use Him like a Santa Clause. My life is based on my relationship with God and my desire to please Him. My love for Him is unconditional, whether He blesses me or not, He remains the Lord of my life. And His love for me is unconditional, it does not wax or wane based on my obedience. Praise God… He definitely is my Savior… and not man.

Galatians 2:16 know that a person is not justified by the works of the law, but by faith in Jesus Christ. So we, too, have put our faith in Christ Jesus that we may be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law, because by the works of the law no one will be justified.

Galatians 3:2 I would like to learn just one thing from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law, or by believing what you heard?

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Peace and Light

Meditating on "peace"- reading 1 Thessalonians 5:3, which says "while people are saying,  "Peace and safety,' destruction will come on them suddenly..." - scary. Verses like this are why we must read scripture in context of where it appears in the Word. Skeptics use examples like this to claim the Bible contradicts itself, which it does not. Here Paul is speaking of those living in the darkness. Christians are children of the light. (as verse 5 continues).

Second Corinthians 4:4 says "the god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers,  so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ..."

Praise God once we make Him Lord of our lives, He opens our eyes to the Light, which is Christ!

Living in the Light gives us genuine peace.

*excerpt from upcoming devotional, "Falling Into Grace".

Poem - Rain


Protection, safety, soaking up the gloom.
Frosted windows guarding the room.
Raindrops falling from infinity above,
Quiet, tranquil... embracing the love.

Jesus is here speaking to me,
Without His presence, broken I'd be.
He's given me everything for my worries to cease. 
Nothing compares with His unfathomable peace.

Mental Health Awareness

Education about mental illness is slowly being exposed. Here's a great website about Prince William.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Dr. Drew Podcast

Found a great podcast on Dr. Drew Pinsky which summarizes beliefs on human behavior, especially trauma and addiction.

While I disagree with much of his subjective ideas, he has been a profound impact on my career.

Check it out for interesting information on brain and behavior. What especially struck me was the reminder how when the brain has been traumatized at an early age, we automatically go from 0 to 100 when triggered. Our natural instinct is to go in a self-defense mode. Also, addiction is a way of dealing with trauma, and I find it fascinating Dr. Drew insists the addiction must be treated before the trauma can be addressed.

Definitely a podcast for psychology professionals.


Saturday, April 15, 2017

Life Plan

Just had great talk with Cathy... we realized Jesus CHOSE Judas to be one of the 12 disciples KNOWING not only Judas would betray Jesus, but Judas would commit suicide. He was still chosen. That's the grace of God. And, Jesus knew suffering and affliction more than anyone. He also knew God's plan for Him. However, Jesus STILL prayed if there was anyway the cup could be passed by, please let it pass. He KNEW HIS ULTIMATE PURPOSE IN LIFE, yet still begged the Father for another way... that is so comforting. I won't start back counseling again until I get some things straightened out myself. A colleague pointed out I step out of myself when I am counseling clients. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. I believe the writer in me demands I be a recluse, yet there is a gift of experience, empathy, and education I am to share with others. That is where counseling comes in. If I see 5 clients per week, including wounded warriors, that would be perfect!

Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus

This is why I no longer participate in organized religion.

Great Article on Suicide

See link here
This is so true. The thoughts of suicide never goes away. Identify your triggers and take care of yourself... prepare like a hurricane is approaching.

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Check In

My goal tomorrow is speak to no one. Today was 30 minutes asking Medicare Provider people why they need my college transcripts if I have my Licensure, where do I get a background screening... Then an hour with Comcast trying unsuccessfully to fix my cable and no one can come out until Wed. Then an hour with Amazon trying to fix my Kindle. Then telling my 2nd professional reference he basically plagiarized my example of the letter of reference I wrote.... I want to be left alone. I'm still blissfully high knowing Jireh is HAPPY and healthy. I still don't have a grasp on time priorities and where to devote my energy... but I miss my quiet time with Jesus.

P.S. Remind me to tell you what the neurologist said yesterday.

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Comfort Zones

What a great day! God used a friend to show me STOP FORCING MYSELF TO BE SOCIAL! Society says we need friends... the Bible says we need community. I have someone who, our conversations are sooooo honestly sincere, we get goosebumps from feeling the Holy Spirit!

In summary, when I fill out medical forms this week, I will leave emergency contact BLANK because people are too busy,  I'd rather be "Jane Doe" than interrupt anyone's busyness. My Father will be with me.

Also, it really pissed me off to be told "everyone feels sorry for me" until I realized the majority of society has NO IDEA what they are missing... what I have with Jesus,  it is beyond comprehension, even for me! Jesus said He tells His friends secrets, and I am His friend. He is with me in such a solid, constant present. There is NOTHING that compares! There is NOTHING I would trade for my relationship with Jesus. And the best is yet to come... so go ahead, feel pity for me. I ask you to pray for me to have the humility to remember what I have, rather WHO I have,  does not give me superiority... and pray above all, I use my circumstances to glorify God.

More Truth



Sometimes we need to reevaluate how we spend our time.

So guess what my friend is hearing people are TOO BUSY to have a Pampered Chef party. I feel bad I don't have money to order, so I am definitely planning a virtual Facebook Virtual Pampered Chef party to help her out.

What is wrong with people? YOU MAKE TIME FOR WHAT AND WHO MATTERS TO YOU! People are finding out I stopped responding after THEY didn't make time for me for WEEKS! I'm "too busy" making time for people who have stayed by my side all along.

Yesterday, 2 college students with full extra curricular activities AND jobs came over to play with Jireh. One had 4 hours of sleep the night before... but they took time to help me out... and Jireh had sooo much fun, making me sooo happy!

Think about what truly matters to you. If it's family, or boyfriends... great! My friend is a single mom of 3 kids, yet always has time for me, so I am already there for her.

Maybe I am the April Fool.