Making & Keeping Friendships

I've been entranced by the writing of a blog writer who has mental illness and provides a unique view into the world of depression and loneliness. Her entry on the difficulty of keeping friends inspired this entry. The first part of this is a response to her entry on friendships:

I am still reading your blog... I have my own work to do, but your words have me nodding my head, saying, "Exactly!!". So few people get/understand mental illness, but you describe it so well. I am sorry for the pain - I understand the pain of depression, loneliness, isolation... and I celebrate you for using what sucks to help other people. The world needs to be educated, and most people are too scared or ignorant to open their minds to mental illness. Your blog entry on "friendship" is just what I need right now. I have lost most significant friendships due to depression really that difficult of a person?" All the promises, all the "I understands"... evidently were insincere on both ends. So, as you write, what exactly is a 'friend' and while it is easy to make friends, keeping them is the challenge. 


What I don’t understand is why we fixate on one specific person, and when the friendship has ended, we behave as if there is no one else with whom to form friendships. We behave as if our hearts will never heal because we falsely assume every other person on the planet will treat us as that person did. This is foolish to transfer one person’s qualities and faults onto everyone else.

Why can’t we see new friendships as refreshing beginnings where we start with a clean slate, bringing in all the lessons learned from our past? A relationship with no score card, no baggage…just the newness of getting to know one another. Try, try, try to push aside the hurt, bitterness and pride of the past and make a new friendship. Share what you feel comfortable sharing, be who you truly are… invest, no matter how scary and anxious it makes you. Invest. Believe this time may be different. And if it isn’t, if you are hurt again, pick yourself up and try again. the world is filled with people. Reach out. Try. Maybe alleviating the loneliness will be worth it.