Someone I deeply care about told me the detailed suicide plan they once had. My reaction surprised me. I didn't want to say how selfish it was, what about the pets, how it would devastate me, fill in typical responses. I definitely didn't consider walking away because it was too heavy for me, or say I would pray... No. None of that crossed my mind. I had to roll in a ball as I weeped harder than ever imagined. I couldn't catch my breath. "Shelly, did I trigger you?...I'm here... I didn't do it... Shelly? I'm sorry..."
They were sorry they told me.
I was HONORED they told me.
I knew I couldn't fix it, or respond in any way besides being there.
My sobbing was knowing what feelings accompanied the plan:
Indescribable pain, loneliness, confusion, worthlessness, hopelessness...
It was sobering being on the other side... I'm thankful I have been suicidal. Because I understand. And that means I realize the gift of being there...silently.
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