Friday, February 2, 2018

Forgive and Leave

The recovering addict isn't always at fault.

I am very mad at a friend and feeling trapped. If I try to talk to her about it, she will accuse me of reverting to my past behavior of getting mad and writing people off. Cathy reminded me of something a close friend did, which had me push her away, and I completely forgot she did that. The past is the past, and I forgive her for that incident.  But she continues to do it every time I talk to her. She won't accept me for me, and always asks if I have been taking Xanax, or how am I going to pay my bills, or if I am yelling at people...  I now remember why I walked away, and have plans with her to meet another friend... I don't want to be treated like I haven't changed. I have changed, I am a much better person. For once, the problem isn't me. It's not always wise to follow the 12 steps about making amends with the one who you hurt in your addiction. This "making amends" situation falls into the category of "unless it is harmful...". Now I am feeling like if I say anything directly to her, I will be seen as falling back into my old patterns. So I am taking the wimpy passive aggressive approach of not addressing her. I always, ALWAYS, have looked at the person's intentions behind their actions before reacting. Well, that's why I forgave my mom so many times... knowing she had my best interests at heart. Now I see someone else's best interest for me may not be healthiest for me.

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