It's All Good Because It's All God

This has been my life's verse for as long as I can remember. I believe it with all my heart. I am continuing to face financial woes,  but if something RADICAL doesn't change for next month, I will not be able to communicate with my editor, which I do on a daily basis.


I don't want hand outs. I want to use the power within me to glorify God. If I continue taking from others, naysayers will see that as kindness from my friends and acquaintances. I want a MIRACLE which can only be explained by God's provision. God's grace is sufficient for me.


You see, I started seeing a new psychiatrist and began counseling, making my mental health a priority. As someone who is on a fixed income of $1150 per month, there is no room for additional expenses. I do not regret my decision as my depression has subsided. I am productive. I have plans for the future. But it has all come at a cost. My bank account is now NEGATIVE $450, which means I will have money for rent, electric and nothing else... not even medication.


I keep singing the Twila Paris song:
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, 'til the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
I will trust You, Lord.

God's grace is sufficient... trust God. 
On top of this, my Macbook is going to die any minute, which will stop the Spring 2013 publication of my book series.


Maybe God is telling me to trust Him for financial provision, not the publication of my book series. I have been trusting the book publications to get me out of poverty, and then I can find a'real' job to earn money to live the lifestyle of supporting myself.


Yes, I am very thankful for having a book publisher... but I have been making my own plans rather than trusting God's plan for me. If my computer dies today, the book series will not be out in the Spring. If I don't earn $700 within the next 2 weeks... my whole life could change. Without medication, I will agree to be sent away to an inpatient institution where someone else can take care of me. Without medication... I will go mad. And with no family to rescue me, that will be my lot.


But whether I sell some articles, allowing me to catch up on bills and buy a new laptop and keep my internet, maintaining contact with my editor... savoring every moment with Addy and Jireh.... or whether I am sent away, unable to take care of myself and end up in a rocking chair, staring out a window into a meadow all day with the smell of bleach penetrating my senses... I will know God's grace is sufficient and this is all part of His plan. I will do my best not to complain and remember, this world is only temporary... My true home is in heaven. Praise God!