Keeping Jireh

I finally understand why my family disowned me, choosing to have no contact with me. The past 24 hours, I came very close to giving my beloved Jireh away. Jireh is my golden retriever who I adore and love beyond description. Jireh goes almost everywhere with me – she’s my buddy! I am so proud of her and she is amazingly in tune with my feelings.

But Jireh is a puppy… a 60-something pound puppy who deserves to run freely, exercise, play and be happy. I love Jireh too much to succumb her to the lifestyle we have been living. I want better for her. It is because I love her so much, I want her to have a more fulfilling life. So I called around, asking who would take her. Who would give her a good home. Who would love her more than I can. I asked about details of Golden Retriever Rescue. I called the lady who helped raised her.

And I went to bed crying, imagining life without Jireh. And I wondered if my relatives “gave me away” so that I would have a better life. And I thought about it didn’t matter what kind of life I had as long as I could have my relatives in my life. But they wanted better for me.

As I type this at 9pm, Jireh’s head is on my lap. I do want better for Jireh, and after all the phone calls, I have concluded Jireh belongs with me. And I belong with Jireh. She knows I sleep a lot, she knows I walk slow. She knows we spend the majority of time alone. But Jireh wags her tail all day long. When I wake up, she is so excited and brings me her toys to play. Jireh gets sad when I cry, so I am determined not to cry anymore. jireh loves meeting people, so I used every ounce of willpower I have to walk her around Lake Eola today, and we came home to take a nap together.

Yes, like my relatives must feel about me, I believed Jireh would be better without me in her life. But instead of giving her away, I am determined to give Jireh the best life a dog can have. As long as she is living, I will take care of her and love her and give her all I can. No one can love her more than I do. I need her, and she needs me.

Thank God He did not allow me to give her away. No matter how bad my depression/anxiety and cerebral palsy gets, Jireh comes first. I made a commitment when she was 10 weeks old to take care of her, and nothing will make me break that commitment.