Things go much smoothly if I keep my true feelings to myself and remain positive.
Read this:
But remember, you cannot be surprised when you hear something tragic happens. I am not reaching out for help anymore. You say you don't know where I am emotionally sometimes, but yet I can't express my feelings without consuming you.
I won't consume anyone anymore. I will keep my feelings to myself and be fake, just like the rest of society. It pains me to conform to society's standards of staying surfaced instead of real and introspective, yet I am learning this is a survival method. I have never been so lonely, yet there is no one I trust... no one who can listen to me without wanting to cowardly ship me off to a mental hospital. And so everything will be peachy.
I am not suicidal, I am so lonely, wishing I could talk to someone who would just listen to me. So my focus, as said repeatedly, is to fulfill the purpose God created me for and be the best parent possible to Jireh and Addy. Next summer isn't to far away... I will move to a city where I have to start all over again socially and community-wise. I am viewing this next year as preparation for such. I have a lot to look forward to. I just need to hold on to Jesus, take care of Jireh and Addy, and keep writing to further my career. In addition, what I am going through is all helping me be a better therapist when I go back intro practice. God has a plan... this season is only temporary.
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