Unwavering Faith

It appears I am dropping my publisher, thus will not have income coming in Spring 2013 for which I have been holding out. Don’t worry! I am fine. My faith is not wavering. I had a conversation with someone yesterday who admitted she doesn’t read my blogs because they are so ‘heavy’. I totally understand. Honesty, my blogs are aimed at people experiencing mental illness issues and those who love them. I do not expect you to help me or rescue me… or even read me! I share certain blogs with certain people to update them on practical areas of my life or share my faith. This is the same as Facebook.

When I announced on Facebook I am dropping my publisher, thus am back at square one, I was told not to ‘throw it away’ out of anger. Here are my responses. Again, don’t feel the need to ‘make everything better’. My faith in God is unwavering. He has something better. When I went to bed, I put aside my anger, not wanting to go to bed angry with Him. This morning, I was awaken by His peace, love and faith.

From Facebook:

As for 'throwing it away because of anger', that is not the case. The publisher is wanting me to change things about the poems (such as saying, 'boo boo on his brain' is too babyish and they don't want forced rhymes...) a list of things which will make my poems different than I intended them to be. I thought I said I didn't want to talk about it as there is too much I haven't shared, and frankly, I shouldn't have to justify myself. Forgive me, but I am a grown professional who prays constantly... I appreciate your help and care, but please don't assume I am 'throwing it away out of anger'. That hurt me and added salt to my wound.

Stop assuming I dropped my publisher out of anger. Stop assuming I cannot make my own decisions. You don't know what he is asking me to do. You don't know how he is breaking our contract. Why can't people just support and encourage me without my having to justify my actions? Really, what is the definition of being a 'friend'? My lifelong dream was shattered yesterday. Please, don't add to my pain. I will get through this. I always get through life's hurdle because I rely on God. I just don't need other people making the hurdles higher.

I know this is going to come off 'mean', I apologize... God is speaking to my heart now. My faith is not wavering. I know God is there for me. I know the Bible like the back of my hand. Please, just pray for me. I am too far in the pit to focus on other's application of God's Word. God has me. He is speaking clearly to me. Thank you for trying to make 'everything better", but no one can make this better except for God... and He is making things better than I can imagine. I trust Him. I know He is in control.