Painful Yet Comforting Emergency

People assume if good things are happening, there should be no anxiety problems. Wrong! Any significant change causes anxiety, and honey, I continue to be BLESSED by significant changes! I am still so incredibly grateful for Willow Creek, I can hardly stand it! Speaking of hardly standing, yesterday was a doozie. Anxiety through the roof! Discovered my psychiatrist does NOT have an emergency answering service – which makes me extremely nervous in itself. Even the pharmacist tried leaving the doctor a request for a 3-day emergency prescription (awesome pharmacist!) but he never heard back from the doctor. The day went downhill (physically) from there. If you are eating, stop reading now. I lost control of my bowels (was waiting for Jireh to get a plastic bag and pick it up) and since I haven’t done laundry in a month, those shorts went in the trash. As the day progressed, so did my pain AND anxiety. I contacted my ‘emergency contact’, and, bless their heart… I need an emergency contact who doesn’t have their own psychological issues.

Jireh had to go out (of course) and I prayed every step, every time. She knew I was in pain as she walked very slowly for me. Felt like I was in a psychedelic fog and NOT in a good way. Was very scary, but I did what I had to do.

Finally, night came. So thankful to take Jireh out for the final time as then I could take my sleeping medicine. I curled up (actually, got in the fetal position to try to relieve my pain) with my Bible where Jesus gave me the Words to tell the publisher Monday and comforted me by reminding me soon I will have money to go to the doctor for my Crohns. Somehow, I slept peacefully through the night. I have more to say but need to get ready for church. Maybe there will be a part 2 later, maybe I’ll keep that experience of ‘falling off the wagon in search of escape” between Jesus and me. Believe me, it’s not pretty, so maybe I’ll save it for my memoir.

The day showed me not only how much I need Jesus, and how often I need him, but He is the only one who can truly always be there for me. He doesn’t have an answering service… He doesn’t need one. Thank God HE is my ultimate emergency contact.