Working for God

One of my favorite (least favorite) verses is 2 Thessalonians 3:10 which says “if man does not work, he shall not eat.”

Through the past several years, I have always had to take/borrow money to meet my basic needs. The guilt and shame of having to take the money (even though it was for food, rent, etc.) has remained in my conscious every time I see that person. Most friendships have ended. Somehow, when people loan you money, you become forever enslaved to that person. And when they do you a huge favor, that always comes up during your most vulnerable times… “I did ‘x-y-z’ for you…” which tends to be followed by why you should behave according to their standards rather than being the individual you are.

This is why I isolate. The strings attached are never worth it for me. When I faced a deadlocked disagreement with my publisher recently, I began preparing for devastation, as if a hurricane was coming. Breaking the publishing contract meant my royalty checks would not start coming in next year. The light at the end of the tunnel was extinguished. My phone and electric would be shut off, leaving me no contact with the world (including potential new publishers), my car insurance would lapse, I would not renew my mental health licensure, and I would go off my medication. People offered me money… I refused. A high school friend talked me into depositing some cash in my negative bank account, which I reluctantly accepted because I knew she would not hold it over my head. My guy-friend begged me to take some cash while in return, I begged him to promise to take care of Jireh and Addy in case I die while seizing from medication withdrawal. (He has a family and I refused to take a huge chunk of money from his family). So I prepared for the worse.

And God showed up.

God used two incredible people at my church to confront my stubbornness enough to consider their offer…. If I help around the church, they knew ways God could provide enough where I could take my meds and stop worrying about genuine basic needs. An exchange of my services for His provision… yesterday was my first day. You know what? I did the absolutely best job I could, so humble at the opportunity, so determined to make Jesus proud of me, so wanting to give in an enormous way… okay, except for my friend who sweetly kept texting “How is it going? Are you having a Crohn’s attack? I’m praying for you…” He knew how much I want to work and how important this opportunity is for me.

My whole attitude has changed. One day, I’ll write how much so in my autobiography. I believed this was too good to be true… I still do. Losing my publishing contract made me lose hope and trust in the world. You know what? Maybe that’s a good thing.

I was working for the world and not for Jesus. Isn’t it incredible how God teaches us in our most desperate situations? With the financial burden off my back, I can look for another publisher… and work for Jesus (my BFF).

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord not for men.  – Colossians 3:23