I
am cheating because I am under a deadline from my editor… What follows below is
a comment and my response to a lady suffering from mental health issues. I
needed to read this because other than the comment I posted on yesterday’s
blog, I received no response of substance. I cannot tell you how hurt I was,
how disposable I felt, and how I would not be missed. I prayed all night, God,
help me live for you and not for man. Help me remember this world is only
temporarily, and one day, I will be face to face with Jesus… this will be a
distant memory… but right now, I am in so much pain at the lack of support in
this world for people with mental health issues.
hAlso
read your blog post, and want everyone to know, that I am living proof that you
are trying. You reached out to me. Thank you for that. Some things have not
changed. We are both Aug babies. We are both looking at cloudy futures, (lol,
or so we think.) ha ha
You
are struggling, dealing with hard things, sensitive to the max.
I
love that you tell the truth no matter what especially about your feelings. I'm
just like you when I get hurt. I feel anger and pain, and want to withdraw.
When I withdraw, I feel sadder, and lonely. God is my ALL. His touch is what I
yearn most for. Looking back is wonderful for making me feel better. So many
times He led me through very deep, dark valleys. His word and my experience
proves He will again. I vowed not to worry about the future, trusting God for
it. Some days I am set off by anger over things I have no control over, and
then I crawl to God on my face, and He pours out comfort like no other. I've
had thoughts too, like I don't want to be here anymore, but remind myself that
I am here for a reason. I am important enough for Jesus to have died for. Who
am I to throw my gift of faith back? Take things in my own foolish hands, and
continue on a path that would lead to utter ruin. No Way. Today is a good day
for me. I have milk. I never stopped loving you Shelly, and most amazing of
all, you did not fall through my Swiss cheese brain. You made my day accepting
my friend request. I am so glad you are here. ♥
My
response:
THANK
YOU! I so needed to hear this! I'm sure it was from God... People can't handle
mental illness and it is such a shame. Suicide will continue in this world
until people stop being so selfish about themselves and reach out with love and
compassion! Thank God, I have my dog and cat, and I also have a best friend who
NEVER runs away when I am feeling my worse. Jen cries with
me, prays with me and loves me like no one has before. I swear I would have committed suicide
if it wasn't for her in my life. I pray you have someone like that in your
life. I try giving other people a chance but they just can't handle what I have
to give... therefore, they miss out on the good times too. I am not giving up.
I am not sharing my pain like I did before, except through my writing because there
are people out there like me and you who need to know it's okay to feel like
you are ready to die but with the right people, you can hang in there and draw
on God's strength to be who God created you/me/them to be. My friend, Rob,
reminded me I just have to be careful with what I say to whom, which is such a
shame. As I told Pastor Steve Brown (who I do share with and he admits he prays
I will have a radical change in my life), "If you are ready to die and go
to heaven, DON'T TELL ANYONE!" FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE, DON'T REACH OUT FOR
HELP. My plan is to change this. My call is to lobby for mental health issues
and once I get out of poverty, I am moving to Tallahassee to do just that.
Until then, as Job from the Bible says, "I will not keep silent!". I
am spreading my word through my writing.
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